I'm was a person that was easy to hide, easy to fool others with a simple mask or smile. It was something I didn't want to do, but something I had to do for reasons I still have not discovered. But this isn't like any fanfic or story, this is something that people misunderstood easily. Yes, it's a romance between me and Adam but let's not get to ahead of ourselves. A romance starts with a desire or a strong affection for someone, me or Adam didn't fall over heels the minute we saw one another's faces. It started with a bond, a friendship, a connection. But our bond got stronger with a sudden turn of the worse, in early March 2016 my mother had passed from Cancer. It left me vulnerable and weak, it had made a hole in my heart and soul which gave the poised words of the haters a perfect entrance. Eventually, I had fallen. I had let the arms of depression wrap around me and tuck me under the cover of grief, anger and sorrow. Every word that was directed at me and that was hurtful would echo in my mind.
Useless, gay, fag, go die, friendsless, etc
And the fact that I had came out as gay to the public only half a year before my mother's pass made it worse. But nobody that cared had noticed, nobody had noticed the light scars on my wrist, the lack of food and amount of time that I spent alone in my room. I would sit in a corner of my bland room, crying like a child as the tormenting voices torched me with wicked words.
This went on for several months until he came, until he came and changed my life for ever. Adam had came down here from Washington, leaving his channel and friends behind for me. He came in and pulled me into a big bear hug and we laughed like nothing was wrong. That's when he asked me.
"What's that on your wrist?"
My body had froze in fear and I sucked in a sharp breath holding it until I couldn't no longer. I handed Adam my arm and he pulled up my sleeve, a cry off disbelief escaped his lips. He traced his finger along the lines on from my wrist up my arm. I had tears falling down my cheeks as i sat there yet again weak and vulnerable. Adam looked up from my abused arm, eyes glazed like newly cut glass and jaw trembling in fear.
"Why?"
I didn't know what to say, It felt like I was struck by lightning and the waves of electrical regret ran through me. I was caught up in the voices in my head, that I was blind by the ones that truly care. we embraced each other in a shaky hug, our tears colliding with the our clothes.
At that time I felt like I could open up, open up that dusty box in the back of my mind and heart that contained all my secrets and fears. I had told him things that I shouldn't of, I told him the bullies that abused me and used me in every scaring way possible, I told him about the voices in my head, the fear of losing people and then the thing that mad me jump away from him in fear.
I was colour blind
He was shocked. But he smiled, a smile that was soft and understanding with a hint of sorrow. Adam had gave me the courage to tell the others, to share my secrets with the people who care. They had gotten me help, they had told me to be strong and since then I have.
So, this is the things I went through since that day.
