"One more push!" I yelled as they told me that I had to push out my baby boy Deshun Terell Livingston Jr.
Deshun was standing holding my hand. He has been there through all my bullshit. My annoying ass wanting midnight snacks, the crying and even me wanting to jump on him every two seconds. He had no problem with that though.
I pushed with my all. I felt his head come out. He hadn't cried yet, I was waiting to hear his beautiful cry.
The doctor had finally cleaned out his mouth from all the blood and water.
His cry was so beautiful. I was finally a mother. It was all hitting me at one time just like I knew that it would.
"Baby he looks like you." I said when they handed me him wrapped in one of those hospital blankets. He smelt like a baby.
Deshun couldn't help but just cry. I saw that tear fall. I don't think he wanted me too. I was just so happy that this all happened to me. At first it just wasn't for me to become a mom. But these last 8 months and 4 weeks have been the best despite all the wrong things that happened.
"He does." Deshun replied wipping his face.
~2 months later~
"Deshun why would you do that?" I screamed as I hit him in the face.
Things have been rocky ever since I had Junior. He has been out more lately. He isn't in the game anymore so I'm trying to figure it all out. We still have eyes and ears in the street, so far so good. Ambrie came to me yesterday telling me she saw Deshun some where in the south side with some girl with curly Brazilian weave. I didn't want to believe it until today.
"Shyla calm down man, that shit hurt." He said holding his face.
"Who is the bitch?" I stood in front of him all in his face as he sat on the bed. He could sit there and look me dead in the face.
"Man she's nobody. It was all a mistake." He said still holding his face.
"How long has this been going on?" I asked waiting for this answer that either if it was a long time or very recent, its going to break me. .
"Every since you got pregnant with Junior." He said looking down.
I was stuck. I looked past him and to the painting on the wall of us on our wedding day which was just some weeks ago. Then I looked at our family picture with everyone in it including Spike, Ambrie, my god babies, Braylon and my little sister, to my Mother and Rowland. My eyes started to sting. I could feel his eyes on me. The truth hurts, I would never think this would happen.
I finally moved. I couldn't cry out loud, I couldn't feel the tears coming down my face. I just walked downstairs into the kitchen. I didn't feel a thing I was doing.
I blacked out.
When I came back, I finally saw Deshun was holding me back from jumping into the lake that is a few miles down the road from our house.
How did I get down here? Was I really about to jump into a lake that I can't even swim in?
I could feel it all coming down on me all at once.
"Baby, I am so sorry." Deshun said sobbing into my legs.
I pushed him off me. I walked all the way back home. He didn't even stay with the baby, stupid bitch. I swear I hate him.
I got home went upstairs packed junior and I somethings. I called my mom.
As I was going out to the garage, Deshun was standing out in the driveway with his hands above his head.
"Shyla!" He yelled. I hurried and strapped junior in and got in and left. I made my way to my moms house.
I called Ambrie, I called everybody and told them about it.
