P.O.V Bethany
Chapter 1.
Tears. Such funny things. They glisten and gleam. They trickle and drop. They're beautiful. How can something so sad and heartbreaking be so beautiful. So pure. I don't know. What I do know is there certainly isn't any shortage of them in the world. And to a 16 year old girl at her little sisters funeral,her little angel's funeral, it might seem like she's drowning in them. in her own and in others.
I took a look around me. One girl in a sea of heartbroken faces. I feel a tear of my own slither down my cheek. "Why did you leave me?" I whisper. "Why did you leave me here?" Alone. Another tear trickles down. A man walks up to me. I didn't recognize him, but just in case I should've, I looked up. "I'm sorry for you're loss, Bethany.", he said. No you're not, you didnt even know her, I wanted to say. I wanted to say it so bad. What gives you the right, huh? I wanted to say. To say you're sorry for the death of a girl you really didn't know. What about the people who are actually sorry? What about the people who actually care,huh? Tell me! I was practically screaming at him in my mind. But instead "Thank you" is all I said. Chicken. Coward. I berated myself over and over and over agian until I felt some one tap me on my shoulder. I looked up to see my mom's tear streaked face. Heartbroken. "They're starting the speeches inside, honey. Come" I walked with her into the church. The hugest darn thing I've ever laid eyes on. It had never looked so big or intimidating. So incredibly scary. Those doors. Were they always so black and doom like?
The massive doors opened. We walked through and it happened all over again. The feeling of being so utterly alone and so bitterly sad. So angry. Why did you leave me? Why?
"Bethany?", my mom said.
"i'm okay mom. Really, it's okay. I'm..." and just then, right there, infront of everyone, I burst into tears. I'm fine. but just then, I knew that wasn't true. I was not fine. Things weren't alright. And right then, I didn't see any way they could ever be again. Not if Abby wasn't with me . Not if Abby,my angel, was dead.
Deep breaths. one. two..."Bethany?" my mom said,"you're up,hon." For what? What did I do Wha... Oh. The speech. "Good luck" my mom whispered as I made my way to the podium. You've got it all planned out Bethany! I told myself. In my head I chanted: You can do it! Yes you can. If you can't do it, no one can. But as I stood at that podium with evryone infront of me, I don't know. I just felt... wierd. Like I didn't know what I was doing. Come on, Beth. This is for Abby. Just do it. But then something caught me off guard. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, it was Abby's funeral. There were bound to be pictures off her. Right? But as I looked to my right and saw the giant picyure off Abby, my darling angel, Abby, I broke down in tears. There was silence like you wouldn't believe. Awkward and emotional. Just me crying. I could still see her when she was alive. Brown, curls so bouncy they made you're walking all spring. Eyes so lively, so blue it made you wanted to swim in them. So small, fragile even. So perfectly, wonderfully beautiful. Alive. You couldn't help just being happy around her. You just couldn't help it. And now she's dead, I thought. Dead. Gone. Forever. I couldn't take it. Just then, all I wanted to do was disappear. I wished the sky or ground, whichever was fastest, would swallow me up. And since I didn't see that happening, I did the only thing I could do to make me disappear. I ran. I ran away from the podium, from the crowd and through the doors. In my head all I could think about was how I'd ruined Abby's funeral. What kind of big sister was I? I ran away from her. I ran from my Abby, I ran from my angel. From my backpack, I took out a fluffy, pink rabbit toy that had been hers when she was 7. It was her favourite and I remembered how we used to play with it together. All her tea parties before she turned 10. In my head I saw what I was going to say. In my speech, I mean. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. How much she meant to me. How much her being born changed my life, for the good. I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean all the bad things I had ever said to her. She was only 12 after all. How could anything she did be to bad. I didn't mean to call her an idiot. I never meant to pretend she never existed. I didn't mean it when I told her I whished she never existed, wished that she'd die. I didn't mean it when I told her I didn't love her.
After a while of moping and sobbing and just being the most depressed I've ever been, I made my way back, just in time for the burial. From my pocket I took out an envelope with a letter I wrote to her, a picture of us together and a pack of smarties, her favourite sweet. Still clutching her rabbit, Mr Pink- Stuff, I went to the open casket and lay him in her arms. In her blue dress and done hair, she looked so blissful. With the rabbit in her arms it was hard not to believe she wasn't asleep. I wish she was asleep. Just asleep and not dead. I lay the envelope under her pillow. I stroked her cheek and a tear landed on her forehead. My tear. "I love you so much, my angel." I sobbed. "So, so,so much. And I will always miss you just as I will always love you. Always. Always. I kissed her forehead as I had done for so many years for the last time. I stepped back as they lowered her casket. As I flung soil over the casket, I had a flash of memory playing in my mind. Bethany, I love you. You won't leave me ever. I know 'coz you're the best sister ever. We'll always be sisters, won't we Beth? Won't we Beth? "Yes, my angel. Always", I say. Always. Good bye my angel. I love you.
And as I heard the creaking of the cables lowering her, I tought to myself that that sound was the worst sound on Earth. It sound of broken hearts.
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