You said you wanted to know the real me
I smiled and told you I didn't know what you were talking about.
I said I was an open book,
That I had nothing to hide from you
But maybe you saw the panic in my eyes
Because you pushed and you pushed until you broke down my walls
And I sobbed into your chest
Asking how fucked up I had to me
To look at my reflection in the mirror,
And smile as I cut gashes into my hips and let them bleed
I asked where I had gone wrong
What I had done
For ripping open scabs just by pulling down my underwear to go to the bathroom
When did the sight of my own blood stop disgusting me
And start delighting me
Where the fuck had I gone wrong?
When did healthy expectations
Become unrelenting panic attacks at the sight of a 'A-' on my tests
When did mindlessly snacking
Because gagging at the thought of calories in a stick of gum
When did everything change?
Why?
You want to see what I'm like when no one is around?
Well here she is
The freak girl who stands naked in front of a mirror picking out flaws
The one who slices her skin just to stay alive while she prays to die
The one who will never be good enough to meet her own expectations
You said you wanted to see the real me
But you didn't.
You wanted me to paint you a pretty picture of who the real me was,
And lock the real me away even deeper.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
