anecdotes not antidotes

lies make the best suits of armor

lies make the best suits of armor

age five to ten

One of my biggest fears, to this day, is the dark-- and yes, I know that it's technically the fear of the unknown. Ever since I was little something about the dark has haunted me.

The top three scariest things that I thought would round the corner to my room and come to get me: a midget man in a white striped suit with matching fedora smoking a cigar with a gun in hand (honestly, I have no idea where this idea came from), martians, and a boa constrictor (I think I once saw on the news that a girl was attacked by one that slithered into her house while she was sleeping).

I also became afraid of other various intruders (such as burglars, murders, and rapists) as I got older so I started sleeping with a baseball bat by my bed.

I was so terrified that I would always sleep with my door and closet doors open so that no one could pop out at me. I even made sure the hallway light was on so light poured into my room.

My mom would tuck me in every night and sit by my bed for a while. She would sing about how pretty I was, give me a hug, and kiss my forehead. When she started to get up, I would beg her not to leave.

Every night, she would ask why. Every night, I would answer that it was because I was scared, and every night, she would tell me that if an intruder came she would karate chop them for me.

Now, I never believed her. She was a small Asian woman who (I love, but she) couldn't really do much. I could never imagine her ever being able to karate chop anyone, but she would leave after she said this, and I would pull the covers way above my head and try to sleep.

My mother would always tell lies like this. Some I believed, and some I didn't. They all gave me comfort though. I knew she probably couldn't karate chop anyone or anything, it assuaged my fear to know she'd try. Even if I knew my mother would never choose me over our puppy, having her say it made me feel better.

Even though I know that it's inevitably false, I believe she will always be there for me. I surround myself in comforting lies. I took them a build an indestructible suit of armor. Now and then, we the darkness gets to me and the covers are way above my head, I remember that my mom will personally kar-ra-tay chop the crap out of the monsters. And when I start to feel like I'm losing everyone around me, I remember that they'll always be there for me. And when I start to hate what I see in the mirror more and more, I remember how I am pretty.

You see, I'll never be sad again for as long as I wear the suit.

After all, no one has ever won any battle bare.

A/N: I can be majorly paranoid like right now, I kid you not, I am hiding under my covers because I heard something move even though it was me who caused the noise.