I'm only 18 and I put people's happiness before my own, they don't want to see me cry, they don't want to feel bad about themselves when I'm sad and they aren't, so I smile. I'm only 18 and I'm afraid of my own thoughts, I imagine life and I imagine death, but I only imagine and I never see and witness. I imagine a life more colorful and I imagine a death so near. But I'm so afraid of my own thoughts that I do nothing but think. I'm only 18 and I've heard of death more than life. I've seen so many people die in the past few years of my life than live. I've seen them die when their hearts got broken. I've seen him die when his father got buried. I've seen her die when he left her alone after every promise. I've seen people die and I was among them. I'm only 18 and I know what it feels like to change. I have changed more than I have cried, and I cried a lot. I've changed in every heart breaking situation. In every happy song. I've changed a thousand times to the person I am today. I'll change again tomorrow. I'm only 18 and I've been heartbroken. I never knew what a heart break was until I saw him laughing with her, so happy and cruel, and I didn't feel my heart. They say it's a "broken heart" but I didn't get it then, I called it a "no heart" until the day he came back and I took him so willingly. But something was wrong and I wasn't able to feel like I did before, I understood why. A broken heart. I'm only 18 and I've hurt someone. I've hurt the only person I was able to be myself with. I had the time of my life just talking to him, and I wanted nothing more. But he did, he wanted my heart. I tried so hard to give it to him, but I couldn't, it was already taken. I saw it in his eyes every time I came back and he felt numb, lifeless. I felt that too. I hurt myself too. I'm only 18, but I won't give up. I'm gonna do everything to make my life worth living. I want to experience every peossible reviving thing. I want to kiss my kid good morning and good night. I want to jump and think about nothing until I reach the ground. I want to go into forests wilder than my heart and swim oceans deeper than my mind. I want to overcome my fear of heights and climb mountains so high. I want to draw everything in the process and listen to every happy song. I want to be happy and make others happy. I want to live and not just to survive.
