Noticed

4 0 0
                                    


I found myself laying on my bed. The way one lays when their mind is filled with a billion things and not one of them actually makes sense or connects.You just float from one to the other whilst making shapes out of the ceiling crumbles or the textures of the walls in the room. I should really start on my homework but there was not even an ounce of me that felt the need to get up. I could hear the family in each part of the house doing as they felt. Some part of me started to feel lost. Lost because I did not know what to do or that what I was doing  was what I was suppose to do but I just really could not grasp at it like others do. 

"Troye....Troye, dinner is ready hurry up." My mother called from the kitchen. A slight huff resonated on my lips before I found my legs again moving towards my bedroom door. 

Dinner was filled with," how was your day" and "what did you learn today at school" questions. I just sat there letting my brother and sister answer as I pushed the mashed potatoes around the flowered plate making sure to keep them separate from the vegetables. As if a billboard lit up saying warning my mom asked, "Troye, you're not eating your supper, is something wrong?" With a sigh still looking down at the plate I replied, "No mom, just not that hungry." "Troye, I am worried, you are already really skinny for a boy your age. Is there something wrong?Are kids bullying you at school? If so I can.." I interrupted her then and looked up at her from across the table. My eyes held hers and my mouth sat slightly open.To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement. My brother and sister just sat there holding forks in their hands and with the same exact look. I shook my head at her. "Mom, no one is bullying me, oh my God.Really,you think I'd listen to those people who spend to much time trying to fix cars to impress girls or  those who take mirror selfies in the horrid washrooms with too many scribbles of ill placed words on the tiles. No, I wouldn't." At this point I pushed my chair back getting up as her face held regret. Welcome to the club mom. Walking back to my room I could hear my brother question my mom about where she was going with those comments. To which my sister added that this sounded like a self help center. 

~~~~awhile later~~~~

I couldn't quite place the exact time . Switching my phone on I stared at the numbers displaying it at 2:10 in the morning when I finally came back to reality that was my dark room. The mindless action of looking at pictures of a perfect life got to me. Why couldn't my life be like the pictures I liked and reblogged so many nights. I looked back from the changing digits of my cell phones lock screen to my blog again. I noticed new notifications. 

Anonymous:

                   I just want you to know you have the kind of blue eyes

                  that look like the beginnings of  a storming sky  outside 

                   those dirty windows you always look out during class. 

What. This was someone from my school, but how? The only reference that this blog is mine is my name. I stayed in a shock upright position like those reaction memes that got constantly reblogged for their humor and true to life nature.  I clicked on reply. 

Me: 

                 Who are you? 

I held my chin with my left hand and stared at the computer screen. Refreshing the page with my right as my computer sat in my lap waiting eagerly  for a response. To which I did not receive anything after thirty minutes, I decided to head to bed. School started in six and a half hours and I had to get up in five. Shutting off my laptop and setting it on the side table,I tucked myself into bed. I stared at the glowing of faint green stars on my ceiling from when me and my brother we much younger and decided to camp in my room when it was raining outside. Smiling slightly, a swift but ever so slightly painful stab at the bottom of my heart ensued as I fell asleep washed in nostalgia and wanting to live in old memories once again. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi again, long time with no writing done. I needed it. But coincidentally I only clouded it with mindless social media and wanting to look like others. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think of this chapter and if you're liking the book so far. 

Love and Always Love,

~s.j.~

Songs played whilst writing this is:

Small Things- Ben Howard.

I Forget Where We Were- Ben Howard.

Breezeblocks- alt-J.5

Nitesky feat. John LaMonica-Robot Koch

All I Want- Dawn Golden

Only Son- Shakey Graves

Toxic- Siv Jakobsen

The Mill- Bastard Mountain

entanglementWhere stories live. Discover now