~stuck in my wonderland~

~Chapter 1: Wonderland~

In a cold dark room and in a scary dark world two souls all alone.
One light, another world she could see in front of her, the coldness becomes warmth and the darkness becomes light,
once reality becomes her wonderland.
He cuddles her and whispers "I'll protect you no matter babygirl.." And murmurs "I love you"
She whispers back "I love you too."

Once all alone in a dark scary world she finally had someone, someone to hold, someone to love...
It was hard for her to keep going, to the road she was set to finish, how can you keep running when you know your going to lose. What is the point when no one is cheering you on and telling you to lose.
At this stage she wanted to stop, she wanted her suffering to stop.
At school nobody would care if she died. At school she would be a quiet girl who was bullied because of the scars on her and in her heart, because of what her parents thought of her, killed her.
Abusive parents who didn't want her and at the end of the day, they left her broken..
They disowned her, at the age of 13, abused and left, disowned by her own parents it broke her. On the same day she went to her nearest lake and closed her eyes and counted to five...
'1'
One step
'2'
Another step
'3'
No regrets
'4'
At last
'5'
Finally...
She jumped in to the freezing water and started to lose consciousness...
She had no regrets no one would care if she disappeared...
By the time she was losing consciousness she saw a figure swimming towards her.
She was saved from the dark, deep trenches of the water and was carried to the surface.
Minutes later she heard the sirens of the ambulance, she heard the mummers of the people surrounding her but she couldn't open her eyes.
She felt herself getting lifted off the ground and onto a stretcher.
While she was getting resuscitated she thought
'Who saved me? And Why?'
Those two same thoughts came to her over and over again.
But a strange thought came to her, couldn't she open her eyes, she couldn't hear.
Why couldn't she open her eyes?  Was she dead? She said, she promised she wouldn't have regrets but why could she smell fear...  She wished and wished to open her eyes until she heard a faint voice saying 
"Look I know you suffered but please have one last courage to open your eyes and live again and I promise, I will protect you no matter what, I love you Chloe"
She heard faint footsteps, he walked out.
Please, please, please this once please open I want to live again...
Once that was a dark, cold world she saw a glimpse of light.
She saw hope, the hope she thought she will never see in her life again but there it was and it was coming closer and closer towards her until it struck her like a lightening bolt and soon enough she felt a small fire was in her, the warmth of the fire spread through her, from her head to her toes.
She felt as if she could live life again the words that this stranger had said spread to her heart and made sure she could see again.
From the darkness she slowly reached out for the light and decided to live life again..
'No regrets'
When she reached for the light she could feel warmth she felt as if she was renewed.
She tried to open her eyes again, she slowly lifted her eyes open as to see hospitals tubes stuck into her, she looked around to see a teen her age speaking to one of the nurses until he noticed she awake.
I was hospitalised for a week but everyday I wasn't alone. Adam came and made feel like I was safe. The hope that never existed until he showed me. The type of warmth that I feel towards him enlightens me. The way he talks to me, how his voice sounds, it rings in my ears.

Why do I feel this way? This wasn't meant to happen to me... not anymore.

The love I never received from my parents, the love that I thought I was never going to receive because the path I was set on was bumpy. I was taught that love was weak.

Age:5 "Daddy what's love? Love is weak, love is for the weak"

Age: 10 "Am I going to receive love? I told you love is weak it's only for weak people you are never going to receive love!"

All those memories and thoughts, love is a lie, love is weak, love will never happen to me, love will never help in life. The pain that I went through because of my stupid parents tried to prove, broke me. I wasn't cut out for love, I don't know what love is, how does it feel like?

All I have is now memories of pain and the scars on my arms and in my heart. Physical pain will heal in time but the scars on my heart i'm not sure when thats going to heal.

Is it possible for me to love? The only person who can make me feel like this is Adam and I love this feeling.

Didn't I say 'no more, no regrets' I promised myself but why now, why? But I woke up because of his voice, I woke up because I wanted to give it another shot in life and I saw hope for the first time. A thing that I thought I would ever see in my life.

That's why I woke up, because of him right?...

Then I want to see if I can truly love and if someone is willing to love a broken person like me, I want to see if life can be gentle, and in hopes that my heart will heal....
In time...