An Open Book

11/18/2015

11/18/2015

Okay, ow. Ouchie. Owwwww.
So I have a really bad ear infection. It hurts!!! And tensing against the pain all day means my neck and shoulder muscles are also super tense and painful. L So I'm really feeling bad. It's pretty hard to write an entry feeling like this. I can't really concentrate on anything besides the pain. I'm noticing that I want all kinds of junk food, like that's going to somehow make me feel better. I know that it won't. I don't think I'm going to try to write like this. I'm going to maybe describe how I'm feeling a little, and then call it a day.
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> So today is day 4 of this ear infection. The pressure is outrageous. It travels all the way up into my forehead and all the jaw down into my jaw, neck, and shoulder. It is all of the left side, as that is the affected ear. The hearing in this ear is not working much at all right now, and I often hear and feel my heartbeat pounding in my ear. That is really uncomfortable. And sleeping was totally impossible last night. Every position hurt extremely bad, and only sitting up offered relief. I should have moved to the recliner, but I was too cold, so I just basically stayed awake all night, except for delirious dreaming while still conscious and a few periods of unconsciousness where I seized awake after a few minutes, startled by the intense pain, and awake again.
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> I'm definitely sensitive to pain. Other people would probably be a lot less affected by this, but for me this pain is all-consuming, and last night it was often unbearable. I really do not like pain that feels unbearable. It freaks me out. I mean, what am I supposed to do if I have to bear unbearable pain??? I did bear it I suppose, but it was really tough. I had no other option anyway.
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> So I don't know how useful this entry is, especially as the second entry, but this is how I'm feeling today, and I'm just really proud of myself for getting something out for the day. Hopefully I'll be feeling a bit better tomorrow.