Just Date Her Already..

Chapter 1

Over the year (or so), I have had someone in my life who turned the tables to reality. He was tall... light skinned, light eyed boy... Standing still and thin... with black shiny straightened hair that rested down to his shoulders. He always wore a black and grey D.C. jacket with a red and black messenger bag for school. Every morning. I remember the times I had anxiety attacks from other students because I was picked on.. I remember calling Thomas up on my phone practically almost every morning to meet up with me, to take care of me.. to calm me down. I struggle immensely with Bipolar-Depression disorder and Anxiety. Thomas struggles fairly the same as I do. I remember the nights where none of us were okay and he would always sneak over with his long board. I would always sneak him in my window as he settles down and brings out his long and empty arms, just waiting for me to dive in and squeeze the shit out of him as he squeezes me too. I remember all the nights we spent sleeping and cuddling each other when we were upset. Just because this all seemed so perfect, didn't mean i wanted to hit him sometimes. Our "relationship" wasn't all that perfect.. we always argued in disagreement or if anything got in the way that satisfied him and not me. People used to ask me all the time... "Are you guys dating?" "Are you guys okay?" "Is he your boyfriend?" Those questions stuck out to me ... they never left my head... I always responded with the same responses.. "No, we're just friends". It hurts saying that about someone you'd do anything to be with... Thomas was just blinded by the girl he thought was "perfect" for him. She wasn't. She made him break so many times, got him to the edge countless of times, and for the worse part... cheat. She was the biggest cheater and an unloyal one at that...

But to this very day I always wondered... Am I ever any other thought than normally a friend..? Am I something more than just a friend... or am I a toy..? It's all confusion... but I managed to deal with it...

Maybe one day... maybe..? I don't know...