Romanogers One Shots

Big Girls Cry

Big Girls Cry- Sia

Natasha stood in front of the mirror just watching her reflection. "Dammit Romanoff! You had him in your hands! You could of killed him right there! How could you let him go?" She filled with rage. So much anger that was built up for one man was now being taken out on herself.
You are  weak. You should have killed him. Why didn't you? These thoughts filled her mind. "Stop it." She mumbled. You are worthless. What good are you if you can't kill? "Stop it!" she yelled. You should be ashamed. There's no use for you. You will never survive. "Shut up! Dammit!" Soon enough her hand had come in contact with her reflection.
The cheap mirror shattered as pieces fell into the sink and a few large pieces fell to the floor creating even smaller ones. Her hand was now covered with her blood and imbedded with tiny shards would that take forever to get out.
She decided not to worry about her hand and just clean up the mess before- "Natasha?" Never mind.
She got off the ground and opened the bathroom door.
The tall authoritative blond stood in front of her. "What?" She asked coldly.
"The door to your room was left open. I heard something and came to check on you."
Cute. She thought to herself. "Well I appreciate the endearing gesture but I'm fine."
He seemed skeptical. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Quit lying Romanoff." He pushed the door further open to find the that of which was a smashed in mirror.
"What happened? What's wrong." He turned back to her.
"Nothing!" She was getting short of temper. A specialty of hers.
He looked down at her hand. "Then what do you call this?" He grabbed it, making sure not to touch the fresh and tender wound.
She pulled it back. His touch made her feel weird. It didn't seem like much but she wasn't sure if it was good or bad and that uncertainty, automatically makes it bad.
"I told you nothing." She mumbled. She walked out of the bath with him trailing behind her.
"How are you supposed to let me trust you if you won't trust me!" He forced her to face him. "A soldier is never good on the battlefield if he can't learn to trust his team."
She grimaced at him. "I'm not a soldier, I'm a spy."
"One can be both. I've learned that much from you." He loosened his grip on her arm. "You can tell me." His voice was softer. More comforting. She slouched slightly as she was no longer tense.
"Can you help me clean this?" She lifted her bloody hand.
"Okay."
Before he started cleaning the wound he looked at her. "Now talk."
"It was that man. I knew him." She paused to process her thoughts. "I had him. I could've killed him. But." She stopped and so did he.
"But?"
"But I didn't. Why?" She looked at him. This time not caring to search his eyes for the answer.
"We needed him alive. I told you to stand down." He answered, tearing his eyes away from hers.
"Yeah but I wasn't going to listen to you."
He lightly chuckled. "Thanks."
"No. I wanted to kill him and I was going to but I didn't. You don't understand this man was-" she caught herself.
"Was what?"
"Nothing."
"Romanoff." He gave her a stern look, but somehow his eyes were still soft and welcoming. She felt like she want to tell those eyes everything. Show them everything. But she was not a fool.
"He was someone from my past. He had a large part in the making of... a monster." Her eyes glistened.
"Natasha. You are not a monster. You're a hero."
"Sure a hero with debts to pay."
"Look I get you don't want to tell me everything. I don't expect you to. But you need to know that you are no longer in debt with anyone."
"You don't get it though." A single rogue tear fell but she was quick to wipe it away. What was she doing, crying in front of this man? She wasn't the one to let others see her at her weakest. "That man took everything from me! He should pay for what he did. I owe it to me and the other27 girls whose innocence was taken from them. We grew up too fast, and he was responsible."
He looked at her forest green eyes that seemed to be clearly holding back. "Listen to me. You. Owe. Nothing." He swallowed dryly. He hadn't realized how close he had gotten to her or the fact that she was breathing unevenly as she searched his face. His eyes eventually land on her lips. She had a split lip that he hadn't noticed before, but the cut certainly didn't take away from how perfect they looked in that moment. He leaned in and finally touched them. It was a dry kiss but for a split second he could of swore she was kissing back but it was like she stopped herself.
He pulled away and looked down, as if he was afraid of her now.
"You uh- you sh-shouldn't have done that." She mumbled.
"Yeah." He sighed. "I'm sorry." He got up to leave.
"Wait." She wasn't sure why but she felt regret from not kissing back. To kiss he was almost like an instinct. And a spy always follows their instinct.
"To hell with it. I've already let one man get away to day, I'm not letting another." She pulled him into a kiss. A real kiss. He kissed her back and he could only slightly taste blood from her split lip, but he was by no means complaining. She waited a minute before pulling away. She put her forehead to his. "I cried in front of you, Rogers. Do you know how special that makes you?"