At night, when I stay up. And im alone with my thoughts. I forget how to feel. Im not sad. Im not happy either.
Im just numb. I take my pills and start thinking. I hate this. I hate this new me.
I have to keep taking these pills because if I dont, I get sick. I shake, all the time. I can't stop, my hand just shakes. Its never done that before.
I can't be around large crowds of people otherwise I can't stop thinking about how they will think I walk weird. Wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I hate stuttering and losing my train of thought. I hate being too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.
I hate bottling it all up inside. I hate blowing up on people for the smallest thing. I hate the way on the float I had to force a smile.
I hate going home and crying over stuff that shouldn't even bother me. I hate looking in the mirror and hating the person looking back. I hate my emotions switching around all the time. I hate caring for people, then stop caring about them. I hate how bitchy I can be.
I hate my voice. I hate how my hand shakes when I try to draw. I hate me. I decided to tell you, while im in this numb feeling. While I can't feel anything.
While I want to cry, to laugh, to be held, yet want to push people away. I hate being me. Just thought I ought to tell someone about every thought running in my head.
