Love and pain.. are the same word.
The wind blew, making my memorie's curtains start to move..
My village.. I honestly feel like crying in your welcoming arms, on your tree's branche, on your lamentable dark dress that hide all the stars of hopes and the sand of forgetting.
It seems like winter's going to be so hard this year.. It'll rain in my heart before even raining on your windows.
I'm overwhelmed by that feeling ... That feeling that it's now all over the place..
The feeling of missing a childhood, missing innocence, longing to my innocent childhood, that's long gone right now.. Replaced by slag, dross, rejection, forsake, pain.. No innocence anymore, no naivety, no purity.. Just mistakes, guilt, and pure torture.
If father came and asked me about Zayn; I'll probably become like a migratory bird.. Jst searching, and searching to find an escape, an open window, to fly free into the open universe.. Searching for warmth.. A warm city to belong to, away from coldness and emptiness.
And if he asked about my daughter; fear will escape his dark soul to penetrate me.
He was looking at my face like I was some kind of dirt, he was staring -no observing- my face.. The face of a woman whom all her life dreamed of fairytales.. But didn't actually know that fairytales are full of shits.. That fairytales are just one massive lie.
Life is hard.
It's not flowers and rainbows, it's no fairytale.
Life is rough, not colorful but black.
I have to start talking now.
I won't let him humiliate me and treat me like scum, no, not anymore.
I'm going to let it all out.. The words I kept in for so long, kept to myself, the words that suffocated me every single day in the past years.
You were the jailer, you were the jail itself, you were my constraints, my freedom's constraints.
You were the reason I left.. I escaped.. Put all this space between us.. You were the one whom put a roof above my dreams and goals, not to protect them of course not, but to limit them!
You made me leave due to the fact that you closed all the open doors right in my face.
But I took too long, he spoke first:
"Who the hell is waiting on you in the car Selena?!"
"Whatever, I didn't come to see this pathetic village, nor to go back to my old miserable life, under this huge oak tree and between the bleak graves.. I'm here just to see mum.. Where is she?"
"Who is this?" a very disgusted voice said, makes my heart jump from the harshness; my brother.. My dad's copie.
"Guess I'm married now and I have a beautiful daughter, you didn't know; well because you wouldn't give two shits bout me anyway so why bother.. And if you think you guys can take my love for them away.." , Laughs darkly, " then keep dreaming because that won't happen even in your wildest dreams, because they're my whole life."
In the past, my dreams was limited by the village's prospects, hard traditions slapping me every chance it can.. So I had to walk as they wish, do what they desire.
But after holding the goodbyes in my hand and my ticket to London in the other hand.. My destiny changed, it became more cheerful, more colorful... Alive.
My head was always down in shame, in humiliation.. But now? I have my head held up high even in front of my father and brother; my worst nightmare.
So... I'm sorry if I did in fact change.
Because I'm not going to stick between the tight walls, watching my dreams and goals disappear into thin air, for a family that is nothing but ink on my identity.
