Broken Clay Dolls

lies.

****AUTHORS NOTE******

Ok so maybe I lied is saying that I would update soon but I got lazy and for that I'm really sorry like you don't even know how sorry I am... but on the bright side for those of you who read my story here is the chapter I promised you guys its in Johnny's point of view and in first person so hopefully it doesn't suck.

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I never felt like didn't belong, I always felt comfortable, never had I not wanted to come home. but somehow one piece of paper seemed to put all my past fellings of home into the garbage can. "this cant be true" I thought as I held out the paper at a distance as if that would answer my questions. a silence filled the empty house. it wasn't a comfortable silence but a silence that occurs when you're at a funeral or you bring up someone in a conversation only to find out that they have died. it was that kind of silence and though there was a lack of dead people it fit the situation. for all I wanted to do in that moment was die. if this paper was telling the truth then my entire life is a lie. I wasn't to sure on what I would do if this was the case. I stood in that hallway just looking at that white paper and having the questions swirl in all different directions of my mind. I took a deep breath and closed the hallway closet door. I had been looking for pictures of my childhood in the hallway closet because Anya told me she wanted to keep one. but my quest was brought to an abrupt halt when I came across that damn paper. it seemed all my happiness was drained when I read the name upon it. I stood concentrated as eyebrows furrowed as I looked at the paper hoping it would answer something, anything. I almost didn't notice her there until she made herself known.

"Johnny..... can you read me a story?" she asked pulling on the sleeve of my rolled up long sleeve shirt. she was only 4 years old and she clutched onto her pink blanket like a lifeline. she rubbed her green eyes and then looked up at me. our green eyes met and for an instant I forgot all about that stupid paper in my hand. I left the paper on the hallway table and picked her up and began to carry her to her room.

she clung to me almost as tight as she clung to her blanket. a smile slowly began to spread across my face. I stepped in the room and flipped on the light one arm still wrapped tightly around Anya. I laid her on her bed as she began to crawl under the covers I picked the first book I could find. it turned out to be peter pan. I sat at the foot of her bed and began to read.

after a few good chapters of swashbuckling pirates and pure adventure she was asleep I pulled the covers over her and put the book back where I had found it. I walked around the toys and coloring books that covered the floor and made my way to the door. I glanced back at her sleeping form one last time as I turned off the light "if the paper is telling the truth then that means that Anya is my.........sister" I thought as I left the door ajar. and once again I found myself surrounded by that uncomfortable silence as I held a staring contest with my birth certificate. I had so many questions and there was nothing that that paper could do to answer them. i made my way downstairs and turned on the kitchen light where i had so many dinners with the people I called my parents.I sat in one of the chairs time seemed to slow and it felt like an eternity before i heard the familiar sound of a pick up truck pull up into the driveway. The truck was turned off and a lone pair of high heels clacked up the porch stairs just by the unsteady clacks i knew she was drunk. she fumbled with the keys but that was nothing new she did that when she was sober. she managed to get the door open and she stood in the living room for a while probably taking off her heels. even without her heels i could hear the unsteadiness of her feet as they made contact with wood floor she made her way to the kitchen. when she saw me i had my eyes trained for where she would come in and when she saw me she jumped.

"oh Johnny its you, oh god you scared me" she slurred clutching her chest with the hand that wasn't holding her heels

i took my eyes off of her and she awkwardly stood there uncertain of what to say. she was acting as if she was a teenager caught sneaking out and i was the parent but i doubt she knew i knew.

she made her way to the stairs and began to go up but before she reached the third step i said what had been on my mind for a while

"is it true?" i said staring straight at the wall opposite from me

she turned to look at me with a confused expression " is what true" she asked turning to face me from the top of the stairs but still i didn't look at her

" why didn't you tell me?" i asked glaring at the wall across from me

" Johnny i don't have time for this stop being so secretive i don't- " she began to say as she rubbed her temples but i cut her off

" are you my mother?" i said this time looking at her straight in the eyes. her dark green eyes that were just like mine and Anya's

she was quiet and all the color of her face had drained. she might have fallen had she not been holding onto the railing of the stairs. she slowly began to come down the stairs and she stood in front of me not looking at me but at the paper in front of me. finally she spoke and had i not been she concentrated on her i wouldn't have heard her words.

" listen Johnny i was only 14 i thought he loved me....... i'm so sorry" she said as she looked at me with tears streaming down her face and then even quieter she said

"this isn't how i wanted you to find out..." when she spoke that last part it was as if all the anger i had was released as if something in me snapped

i got up and my chair flew behind me and hit the wall "WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME, WERE YOU EVEN GOING TO TELL ME AT ALL!!"  i had had it with her i continued yelling at her for a few good minuets until i was interrupted by the one thing that always seemed to make me feel better

Anya was standing at the foot of the stairs rubbing her eyes and in her small voice she managed to stop my screaming " Johnny please don't make mommy cry" she said as she looked at me with her bright green eyes a sudden wave of guilt washed over me as i came to realization at what i had done. Samantha was crying her makeup streamed face was red and puffy, she stood there just trying to calm herself. i was disgusted, but i didn't even know why, had i not known she was my mother i would have comforted her but i knew who she was now and i had a new found hatred for her and i would make her pay for this. i picked up Anya and took her to her room leaving a distraught Samantha in my wake and paying her no attention.

as i tucked Anya into bed again she said something that caught my attention.

" i thought you were daddy because you were yelling at mommy like he does but then i saw you... please don't be mad at mommy Johnny i think she sorry" she said snuggling into her blanket and slowly drifting off to sleep.

it was that night that the idea was planted it wasn't until Anya was 10 that i was messed up enough to do anything about that idea. it was a really fucked up thing to do but i wanted Samantha to feel my pain, all of it. i wouldn't hurt Samantha because well if i tried i would kill her but instead i would hurt the thing she loved most the thing she didn't give away. i would hurt Anya. at the time however i pushed that thought aside i loved Anya too much to hurt her. but that didn't mean i ever dismissed the idea......

*******AUTHORS NOTE********

ok so now we have all this johnny stuff out of the way and Anya has retold all her scares we can get on with the story eeeeeekkkkkk im sooooooooooooooo excited like you don't even know this is going to be so fun ok for those of you that wish to know what's coming up in the next chapter I'm going to give a few hints (1 Johnny is back from rehab         (2 Anya says something that will haunt her FOREVER     (3 someone dies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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