Chapter VI
Time was just passing by. I dint get to see Ric anymore so I made up my mind saying that it was just my imagination. I tried to distract myself with other stuff so that I could get over my crazy hallucination and mind. And there was Zac. He is sweet and nice to me and I don't even know but I think I am falling for him. I felt kind of secure and carefree around him. I could be myself when I am with him. I was smiling more which I realized myself. But I do not know if I will ever have a guts to admit my true feelings towards him. I don't want Ric's memory to be erased from my heart and I think it will be too selfish of me if I try to find a new love. Why would anyone want to accept someone like me? Maybe time will lead me to the right path. Phew! life is so uncertain and what's coming tomorrow is so unpredictable.
I get so frustrated with my life sometimes well to be honest most of the time. Why can't everything be simple as it is. Am I asking too much? Thinking a lot maybe the reason why I think I am going crazy. Shutting myself from the outside world and trying to find tranquility and bliss in my dream world is not normal at all. I can only relax when I am alone in my room either listening to music or playing.
I try to act cheerful and normal in front of everyone but this solitude is eating me inside. And that's where Zac comes. I don't know why I like being around him but I am just scared about the consequences.
I tried to distract my mind from my crazy thinking so I tuned in my IPod loud and listened to music. I just choose random song and tried to flow with the music.
"...Every time I close my eyes,
The visions reappear,
And when I wake up you're not near
Could you fall in love with me again?
Cause all I see is you,
Every time I close my eyes...."
I stopped singing along with the Vanessa Amorosi's song and couldn't help myself from thinking about Ric. This song made me think of him more. So, I grabbed my jumper and went out in hope to see him again. I feel pain in my chest every time I think of him. Wish I could turn back the time. Sigh.
I turned the volume little bit higher as the music of one of my favorite song started. Bring me to life by Evanescence feat Linkin Park. I started singing along as I was walking towards our little secret place.
"How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home................................."
I reached there and looked around hoping to get to see Ric there was no sign of him anywhere. Frustrated with myself I sat on the grass.
"Give me a sign Ric. Please tell me you are here." I whispered but didn't get any reply at all.
I laid with my back on the grass facing the sky. I still remember the times when we used to come here and try to count stars. Everything reminds me of our times together. I have known him for so long that I wonder if I have any memory without him in it. I put back my ear plug and closed my eyes listening to the song thinking of our happy memories. Always be my baby sung by David Cook started to play in my IPod.
....We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
