Perrie's POV
Today was the three month anniversary of Jade's passing and I wasn't feeling myself at all. Ever since I lost the love of my life, I had never been the same. Every interview Little Mix had since the accident, I was always asked how I was coping, and I always had to answer with 'I'm okay' because anything more and I'd be made out to be an attention seeker. I wasn't coping at all, in all honesty. The love of my life was no longer here, I could no longer see her flash that outstanding smile at me, I could no longer see the way her beautiful chocolate brown eyes stared into mine on an early morning until we both ended up in a passionate kiss. I could no longer fall more and more in love with her cute little laugh that was contagious to everyone who heard it. She was gone, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to bring her back.
But regardless, today was Friday, and that means it was my day to visit Jade at the cemetery. Every Friday at 4pm, I made it a priority to visit her grave. I told her about my week, how Little Mix were getting on, the fact that Jesy and Leigh-Anne were missing her almost as much as I was. It was a tradition, every Friday since she passed. I brought flowers to her grave, white iris flowers, because those were Jade's favourites.
The flower shop was just opposite the studio that Jesy, Leigh-Anne and I worked in, and we were always in the studio on Fridays, unless we were travelling, but since the accident, all our travel plans had been cancelled. 3:50pm, I left the studio and headed over to the flower shop.
"Good afternoon Perrie, the usual I take it?" Paul, who worked behind the counter asked me. Without any emotion, I nodded, before taking a pen and writing on the small piece of card that goes with the flowers. I wrote the same thing on every one. 'I miss you more and more every day, my angel. I love you more than you could ever imagine. Love, your Perrie' and then I drew a little love heart in red ink.
Paul handed me my flowers, and I paid, before leaving the flower shop and walking three blocks down the street until I reached the cemetery. I walked over to Jade's gravestone, and smiled slightly.
"Hey baby. I'm here, 4pm on the dot, as usual" I said, I placed the flowers on the top of the stone and removed the withered ones that I had left last week. I placed the flowers on the floor, standing up and leaning against the stone, just like I usually do. "I miss you so much Jade" I whispered, before a tear escaped my eye. I sat on the grass in front of the stone, and traced my fingers along the engraved name on my girlfriend's grave.
'In loving memory of
Jade Amelia Thirlwall
December 1992 - April 2015
Daughter, Sister and
Girlfriend
Always in our thoughts
Forever in our hearts'
The tears continued to fall when my finger traced over the word 'girlfriend'. Jade was, and will always be the love of my life, and it breaks my heart to know that I will never see her again. I pulled myself together, I needed to keep up the tradition of telling Jade what had happened this week.
"Hey baby, I'm still here. I'm missing you so much. So is Jesy, and Leigh. Everyone misses you. Everyone keeps asking me how I'm coping since you passed, and I have lie and say I'm okay, but I'm really not. I know, you being you, you'd want me to be okay. But it's so hard, living every day without waking up to your beautiful smile, without being able to kiss you, without hearing your sleepy voice when we've been working extra hard in the studio and you just need to sleep. I miss everything." I wiped away the tears that had managed to escape again. "But I do have some good news. Jesy and Jake are engaged now, he proposed to her the other day. She's been in such a good mood since it happened, and I'm happy for her. She's not rushing into planning a wedding yet, but the 'how are you coping since... Jade' questions have died down since she announced it, because they're all interested in when the wedding will be." After an hour of telling Jade about my week, having a cry and telling her how much I miss her, I decided it was time to say goodbye.
"Jade, it's time for me to go now. But don't worry, I'll be back, same time next week. I love you so much, my angel. I miss you, and I wish you were here. I could really do with my Poopey cuddles right now" I said. "I love you so much, my love. Goodnight." I whispered, before running my fingers along the top of the stone before walking away, trying not to cry. Leigh-Anne was waiting in the car, just outside of the cemetery, just like usual. She always picked me up and took me home, because I lived to far away from the cemetery to walk, and I didn't drive.
"Hey Pez, everything okay?" Leigh-Anne said as I opened the car door and took a seat in the passenger's side.
"Yeah, she's still as peaceful as always. I just want to go home to bed, is that okay?" I said, trying not to sound rude. Leigh nodded and started the car, and we drove home in silence, the only sound was coming from the radio which was on very low volume. We arrived at my flat, and Leigh and I got out of the car, and she walked me up to my door.
"Perrie, are you sure you're okay?" Leigh asked me. I lied with a nod, but she saw right through me. "No, you're not." Leigh pulled me into a hug and I burst into tears on her shoulder.
"I miss her, Leigh. I miss her so much and there's nothing I can do about it. She's gone, forever and I don't know how to cope without her any longer. She is my everything and I need her" I sobbed into the crease of my best friend's neck.
"I know, Perrie. I know you miss her, I miss her too. Everyone does. Nobody is expecting you to be okay with this, she was your girlfriend for three years, no one is expecting you to get over this just yet. We understand if you need to take time out, out of Little Mix, to grieve. You know, we'll always be here for you, whenever you need us to be. We love you Perrie" Leigh said, running her hand down my hair as I cried.
"Thank you" I said, wiping my eyes and taking my head off of the older girl's shoulder.
"Of course. Are you going to be okay here on your own? You're more than welcome to stay with me tonight. Jesy's coming over, it's been a while since we all had a sleepover. We'll have fun. Fancy it?" Leigh asked. I nodded and smiled.
"That sounds nice, thank you" I responded.
YOU ARE READING
jerrie ↔ one shots
Fanficjust a few jerrie one shots for all you hardcore jerrie stans out there. some of these may be triggering, and contain smut, but you will be warned at the beginning of each story. lots of love, and enjoy!
