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All my life i had always thought of Zac as a friend. Best friend.

The first time we met was by the Triton Lake. I was six years old and he was seven. I still remember what he was wearing that day -- a light brown shorts and a stripes colorful shirt and he was barefoot. I remember the first time i caught him ride my swing. Well it wasn't a real swing actually. It was only a tire that tangled with a rope that attached to a tree by the lake. But i always thought that the only person whose allowed to ride my swing was me.

So that day, i stood there with my hands on my hip and wore my angry face. And then he spotted me. Although i already on my angriest face i could make , he still smiled when he saw me. "Hi" was his very first word given to me. And "that's my swing" was my answer to it. He kept smiling and then jumped out of the swing and stepped closer. He talked to me. I learned that he didn't know that there was anyone else lived by the Triton Lake, moreover, had claimed the swing. I learned that he was my first neighbor. And that day, i also learned that riding my swing with somebody pushed it from behind was more fun...

When i was nine, Zac was my only friend. I was only that little fragile lonely girl. But i didn't feel that lonely because Zac was always there. He was there when some kids throws sauce at me at the canteen. He was there when a girl hit me with a ball so hard on purpose. He was there when my dad died. He was there... And as long as he was there, it was okay... Everything was okay...

When i was eleven, my mom had another boyfriend and i hated her fot it. She barely came home even when it was my birthday. I was so sad and furious, so i jogged to the Triton Lake, in the verge of crying. But then i saw Zac there, beside my swing, holding bread with a little candle sticks on it. And i remember i cried and jumped to him and hugged him so tight until he almost fell backward. I was so glad i have him. No. I am so glad i have him.

When i was thirteen, Zac and i went to different school because he was already a highschool boy. He grew up so fine. His jaw grew so strong and his delicate brown eyes shined more. He was so tall and handsome. And since we went to different school, we barely had time to see each other. But we always made time to see each other at the Triton Lake in the late afternoon. Even if it was only watching how the water sparks beneath the lake. Or saw who could throw a stone farthest to the lake. Or talked about what happened at the school. Or even lied on the grass and wondering what the clouds look like. Even if the situation in my house was so shitty and school was so boring, i still had those late afternoon moment that kept me happy. I still had Zac who made me happy...

When i was fifteen, Zac told me he liked a girl i was so happy to hear that, and i told Zac to asked her out. And so he did. I noticed that he smiled more often after he had a girlfriend. I was happy for him too. I was happy, although our late afternoon moment by the Triton Lake was decreasing. Although at the school, he only said "hi" to me when we met and only talked to me when his girlfriend was nowhere around. Although on his birthday he didn't come to the Triton Lake when i already made a cake for him and wait for him until the night came and the cold bit...

When i was sixteen, Zac was still with this girl. Our late afternoon moment went from everyday to once a week, maximum. Every time we met by the lake, he always told me about his girl, and i could only nod and smile and gave a simple 'i'm happy for you' come back. I couldn't bring myself to talk about my step father who turned out to be abusive. I couldn't tell him that my step father hit me a night before. I didn't want to ruin his happy moment.
But one late afternoon, i came to the Triton lake with tears streamed down my face and bloods ran from the corner of my mouth. I sat by the lake, buried my face to my knees and sobbed hysterically. Until i heard a footstep. I didn't thought he would be coming that day because he already did the day before. He saw me, at my worst. I remember he hugged me so tight even before i told him what happened. After i calmed a bit. I told him, everything. I saw his expression from angry to worry. And then he hugged me again, tighter than before and i cried even harder. I felt so relieved that i still had him. A shoulder to cry on. A friend to share my happiness with.
But minutes after, i felt someone tug my hair so hard and then slapped me at the same spot my step father did. It was you girlfriend. She was crying too. I felt so guilty and stupid. I meant to apologize to her but Zac already shouted to her to leave me alone. And what shocked me the most is that he broke her up, in front of me. I remember i screamed "No!" Because i remember how happy he was when she was with him. I didn't want his happiness to be vanished. But he gripped my arm and drag me away. Away from her, away from the pain that i felt and from the sadness that slowly consumed me...

And now i'm seventeen. All my life I've always thought of Zac as my friend. My best friend. Until today...
We, as always met at the Triton Lake. I sit near the lake and he is on the swing, my swing. He is telling me about his future, what will he do after high school. He tell me his dreams, which is to go to university out of town. And the reality strikes me, hard.
The truth is Zac will never be here forever. Soon, we will be separated, go for different way, reach a different path. I realize that soon he will go, he won't be here again when i'm sad, he won't be here again when thing goes wrong. He won't be a shoulder to cry on and friend to share my happiness with anymore. And i realize that all this time, i just relying on him till i totally can't imagine what it'll be like if he isn't here by my side. I just drag him down all along. I am a parasite.

But i don't want him to go. I need him. I want to see his smile everyday. I still want to hear his story, his funny laugh, share our birthday together and meet at this lake on the late afternoon. It strikes me more that i finally know that i like him. 

No.

I love him. I can't believe that all this time, that thing never crossed my mind, for once. My heart pounds so hard and tears are floating on my eyes as my mind repeats "he won't be here forever, he won't be here forever..." I go silent, and he realize it. He abruptly stop talking and calls me "Lena?" My heart aches to hear he calls my name. 

I won't hear him call my name again.

"Lena, what's wrong?"
"You will be gone..." I says. My voice is so hoarse and barely whisper.
"What?" I hear him step to the ground and walks closer to me.
"You won't be here anymore" i says, louder this time.
"Hey what's the matt-- hey you're crying?" He says as he grabs my shoulder and turns me around. Then he wipes my tears that flows to my cheeks and brings my head to his chest.
"As selfish as it sounds, i don't want you to go" i muffled to his chest and sob a little louder.
"I'm not going anywhere, Lena" he says as he strokes my hair.
"But you will be soon" "but i'm here now" "but you won't be soon" and the i hear him laughing. I can feel the vibrate from his chest and somehow it makes me cry harder.
"It's not funny!" I say and then grab his hand tighter.
"You don't know how happy i am to know that you'll be missing me" he stops caress my hear and hugs me so tight instead.
"Of course i'll be missing you!" And then he laughs again, and we stay like this for a couple minutes. Then suddenly he pushes me gently from his chest and bring both of his hand to my cheeks.

"Look, Lena..." He starts "but i have to go" my lips starts to tremble again. "Hey, no. Listen to me first" he says, removing hair from my fore head. "I have to go because i want to have a better future and that means i have to go out of town to reach it" tears are streaming from my left eye and he wipes it gently. "But you know what? i will be back" i can see he gulps because his Adam apple is blobbing.
"Because my home is here, Lena. She is here in front of me," my heart skips for a beat and then goes crazy after that. I can't talk, or move.
"I realized that i want to see you everyday. I want to be by your side and hear your laugh see you smile and cry and... Hell! I need you Lena. I realized that you have always been my home. I always wanted to come to and tell you my story and tell everything that is happened to me. And i also love to hear your story, your happiness, your sadness, your secret, your flaw and guess what? I always come back to you. I will always come back to you. Because Lena... You are my home..."

"You are my home, and I love you...."