Letters to Green Day (My rage and my Love)

All The Time

I love my family to death

I love my friends to death

But I can't find the words to describe the dislike towards myself. In a world to big, to self indulged, I'm at a standstill when it comes to the thought of the way I look. You can say every 14 year old has those threats of body image and self image but the love and hate seem to outweigh each other. I'm a freshmen in the public system who actually loves school, and who actually loves the one's I'm surrounded by.

School is something I seem to love and hate. I love the variation of great classes and my friends, I hate some of the people and the teachers who seem to not understand my intelligence falters. I'm an average A-B student who looks for approval by all, even though I'm sometimes proud of the high percentage in math or the two honors classes. My friends and family are the ones who actually keep me from doing what my depressive ways say. Every morning I text my internet best friend,"Hey punk" as well as being late every morning to first period as I sit on a ring of desks with my best friends Riley and Kiera. Second period comes with Kiera pointing at corners and taking my phone as I listen and quietly sing Green Day. Fourth period Study Hall with whispers and looks to Riley and major conversations about fetus' and lunch. Sixth period fury as I'm late to Drama just to say hello to Kiera and Nizhoni; to hug goodbye to Aaron and a failed attempt to be on time. I love them all,more than the spinning world that kills me every day. I would give them the world, if i could.

But, if I could I would make all others disappear. I'm not like others, I'not mainstream, I'm not in the mix, I'm not as beautiful or as mean as some are. I walk the halls with music on. trying to find my friends so I can tell them of the past events and laugh. The bell ringing after school, watching everyone getting in little groups to stay and talk to friends seem to be something I've never done.It also seems to never be done once your knowledge is the dislike to some. I admit I suck at science and Drama, but to the Misses it's always not okay.You have to be great, and I'm just not that. I come home to a pregnant mother, a father,and an 18 year old sister who I'm forced to miss as I do homework and cleaning. My home life has its ups and down,but it seems at some points happiness doesn't exist.

I admit that I am depressed, I am anxious while my teeth chatter and the whole room turns to a chilly,small, white room. I admit I don't like myself, and would rather leave sometimes then stay but my mother and sister keeps me going. Riley and Maritzia keep me going, Aaron keeps me going, and Billie Joe Armstrong is saving me from the color fading- I can get better...

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