Since the Beginning

Brother

A/N: This chapter is written from Castiel's POV, hope you enjoy!

I storm into the hotel, Dean and Sam said Gabriel was here. The carnage is unbelievable, there was definitely a fight. I rush down the halls, throwing each door open as I search for Gabriel. My mind races, I have to find him before he's gone. What if he's hurt? What if he's... NO STOP. After finding him after millions of years, I can't stand the thought of losing him again. I almost pass a large room with the door ajar before I sense a disturbance. I stop in my tracks and stare at the sight before of me.

There are tables scattered and flipped all around the room, chairs upside down and on their sides.

In the center of the room lies a lifeless Gabriel. His once magnificent, golden wings span the width of the room, now charred black. His burgundy shirt shines with fresh blood.

No.

"Gabriel," I shout, "Brother!"

I drop to my knees at his side and press my hand to his wound. I try to heal it, I know I can't, but I couldn't help but try. I feel a stinging in my eyes. This is the strongest emotion I've felt in a long time.

"Gabriel..."

My voice cracks, and I feel tears start to fall down my face. My brother is gone. And I can't get him back. I scream, lights flicker and burst. I feel glass rain down into my hair but I don't care. I put my face in my hands, and choke out a sob.

I loved Gabriel.

He taught me about fun.

"How about we play..." he pauses, "Hide and seek!"

I smile. I still can't believe that one of my big brothers wants to play with me.

"You hide first, I'll count to twenty," he says. I nod and take off into the forest. I search for a small place to hide, I crawl under a bush.

".... Eighteen... Nineteen... Twenty... Ready or not here I come!" I hear him finish counting and I huddle into a ball in the leaves. I hear the rustle as he walks through the fallen leaves. He gets closer and I scrunch to my smallest size. He reaches under the brush and grabs my leg,

"I've got you Castiel!"

"No you don't, " I smile

He taught me to fly.

"Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"How about that flying lesson?"

I grin, I'm going to learn to fly!

"Yes! Really Gabeieel?"

I can't help but smile at the thought of my old, silly nickname for him.

"Yeah! Let's go. Follow me," He leads me to a ledge, this is too high, I'm going to fall.

"Okay, let's take this slow. Spread your wings," I follow his directions, "good now see how well you can flap them."

I try and I lift off the ground a few inches.

"Alright! You're doing great! Now here's the part where you're going to have to trust me."

I shift on my feet.

"It will be a little scary at first but it will be fine, I promise," he soothes.

I nod and he goes to stand at the bottom of the ledge,

"I want you to jump and flap your wings, can you do that?"

I look at the ground,

"I'm right here to catch you, don't worry."

I nod again and takes a few steps back. He holds out his arms out to catch me.

I run to the edge and flap my wings. I can feel myself stay in the air for a few seconds. I did it!

He catches me,

"Awesome job! That was perfect!"

He taught me about Earth. He taught me about humanity.

He taught me about love. He taught me how to live. He changed me, made me different from the other angels.

The most painful memory I have is when he left.

"Gabriel please," I beg, "listen to me!"

"No, leave me alone Castiel." he continues walking away. There is blood dripping from his lip and cheek and down his left arm and staining his white robe. I see bruises forming in the various places he was hit, blood cakes his golden feathers. Seeing him like this hurts.

I know how much the conflict between Michael and Lucifer hurts him. He loves both of his brothers. He has confided in me many times about his hatred of conflict.

"Please, just for one second."

"I said NO!" He says in a harsh tone, I recoil and stop in my tracks. I turn to face him, he's still a distance ahead of me. His face burns red, he takes a few deep breaths and his face returns to its normal color.

"Castiel, I'm sorry. Just I can't tolerate this anymore, I love my family. All of them. They're asking me to pick a side and... I don't want to... I can't," tears well up in his eyes and start to fall. The tears mix with the blood and stain his cheeks more red.

I take a few steps forward,

"Gabriel, if you're saying what I think you're saying..."

He cuts me off,

"What? I don't have a choice. I won't pick a side. I won't watch them kill each other."

"Don't leave," I say weakly, "don't go..."

I can't lose my brother, he has been there for me and has taught me everything I know. We have a bond that no one else has. We learned from the humans together what love and loyalty is.

"I have to, don't make this any harder than it already is."

"I need you," my voice cracks. I can't believe he's leaving, this is his home.

"Well, You're going to have to live without me. Goodbye Castiel."

With that, he's gone.

I sat in the spot where he left for weeks, I couldn't leave. Maybe he will come back. I thought. I searched for him for centuries. I gave up not too long ago, I believed he was dead then. There was no trace of him anywhere.

Angels aren't supposed to have feelings, but he showed me what it's like to feel. After I had sat where he left, I went to Naomi and had myself "fixed" I could no longer feel emotion, I was a soldier.

The Winchesters broke the wiring Naomi worked so hard to put back into place. The worst part is, is when they broke me, the hurt of the loss of Gabriel returned. I did my best to shove it aside, but I couldn't. I was shocked when I saw him alive, I felt betrayed. He left when heaven started to fall into pieces. He left me alone to face the wrath of Michael and the other angels. Gabriel and I were different, we had a bond. I understand why he left,

He had a heart.

He gave me a heart.

For some reason, after all those years of not knowing what happened to my brother,

knowing what happened is so much worse.