Hello all, my name is conner and I am 15 years old. I have had a lot of trouble with family and friends.. I have lost all my friends and my family makes fun of me. I am very blessed to have some people that care about me. I love all the People who have been there for me and that care about me. I have been called almost every name there is imaginable , I have attempted suicide. I do cut. But I do not do it for attention. Not at all. I hate attention seeking and I am blamed for being one all the time. I hate being judge. But doesn't everyone? Who would like it. I get bullied for not being perfect. I get judged for being fat, ugly, all the small things. But the big issues are worse. I don't get a lot of time to make people know who I am.. They judge me by my looks and I know this night seem like I am just complaining but I really just am venting people let me vent but I don't because I am scared they will end up hating me because I just complain all the time. 98% of people I talk to end up leaving before they know me. I'm actually a pretty nice person. People tell me that all the time. It is one thing that makes me smile and keeps me alive. But then there are people who just bash on me all day all the time. I cry a lot. I'm a 6'3 teenager but I am so soft and so emotional. This is a very hard thing for me to do because I'm a really closed person and I do not like to tell people when and why I am sad. I am always pretending to be happy when usually I'm always sad. I care about everyone. All I want in return is someone to care the same about me. I get made fun of for liking and playing video games while the people making fun of me more then likely play them too. That's just the messed up world we live in and people thinking being polite is flirting... Really? Who said that? Why would anyone even consider that. It's not right.. Now I'd like to talk about my first and second high school years.. Okay so grade 8 , started at RE mountain secondary in Langley bc. It was okay for the first 3 months and then I started getting bullied, I started lack on my school work, I didn't care about school and closer to the end of year is when I attempted suicide for the 2nd time. Then that summer I met the most amazing girl .. Well she was at the time, she has drifted away from me which Is not good because she has saved my life many of times.. But anyway, grade 9, this school year started off very good. Then this girl named angel had to come and ruin it by saying she liked me. You might be thinking how this is a bad thing, well ill tell you. She did this to every guy she laid eyes on. She would get them alone, tell her she likes them , get them to like her and them ruin there life, but that isn't the worst part. Then she stole all my friends, my iPhone and my iPod , (iPod before iPhone) I had the police at her house and she played dumb like nothing happened. I was so upset how she could do this to me. I didn't know what to do. So a few months later I switched schools, I tried online school. This is where the year went downhill. I started online schooling, it was good at the start like every school is and then there is this person who fucks it all up. In this story that person is myself. I fuck everything up. I start cutting again, I start thinking more about suicide , I think to myself I'm worthless and I deserve nothing. I was only doing online for 3 months before I ended up in the hospital for medical care and intensive suicidal care. I then left school to try and get my head back in place so I can start next year, which I hope is better for me. I hope it is At least... Well that's not all my life just the 2 hardest years of my life.. If you read this all thank you and have a nice day :)
