the reasons why

chapter one-

Life isn't fair, no matter what kind of person you are life will never be fair and no matter how hard you try you will never change anything.I hated life i mean the doctors did say depression is a side affect but depression is just depression i would still have it even if i wasn't always inside a hospital and if you've ever had depression you'll agree with me that no matter what medication they give you it never goes away, you can always pretend so you don't have to down vile tablets and capsules everyday but again i didn't find the point in pretending, also you know if you've ever had cancer that depression is not a side affect unless again you pretend to understand every word the doctors say when in actual fact you know the are taking shit, they have no clue what they're on about they for one have never had depression or cancer because, lets face it, if they did they wouldn't be here anymore. i had found out about my cancer when i was just fifteen it was a bit of a slap in the face because we got the results back on my birthday . i think it was gods way of telling me that he hates me, that is if there is a god,its been two years and i can still remember the look on my mothers face when we all found out .Also if you've had cancer you know your parents are always concerned about every little thing you do, i could be taking a piss and my mum would stand out side asking me if i needed help, why in the hell would you ask your teenage daughter if she needed help,what am i going to say, yes mummy dearest i would love for you to help me wipe my crack. no. i do love my mum and i have no idea what i do with out her she is literally the only thing that keeps me going in this pitiful excuse that i call my life. there were many things i hated about myself,like my name. i probably had the most dumb name in the world November June May, now for one the fact that the names of the month aren't even ordered like that annoyed me but who came up with the idea to name their daughter after two months and i was just a coincidence their last name was yet another month, another thing, just a perk of having cancer, i had no hair, its not that i disliked it because of vanity not i was in no way vain i disliked it showed that i was dying,and i'd much rather be dead than be dying.

school was one thing that made me feel slightly normal,i had one friend and got weird stares all the time but i didn't really care what they thought. my mother always woke me up by pushing open the curtains in my bed room and saying in a sing song voice "up,up,up its a wonderful day" which in all honesty she knew wasn't true. as always she'd place down the small cup of water and my medication for the day on my bed side table and waltz out of my room. people said i looked like my mother in possibly every single way, she was tall and slender with curves to die for and perfect green eyes and perfectly sculpted lips and long luscious hair and in all seriousness i looked like her twin just minus the hair and the fact my eyes where brown like my fathers.id down the tablets and capsules as per usual trying not to gag then id get changed. black skinny jeans a plain white top with song lyrics printed on it and red converse. i was actually English but id moved to America when i was fourteen so i still had my accent but i was aloud to wear what i wanted to school which was so much cooler than having to wear stuffy uniforms like back in the u.k. i grabbed my back pack and swung it over my shoulder and walked down the stairs slowly, i grabbed an apple and grabbed my homework off the counter and got into my dads car and waited for him to drive my to hell.

i walked into the school after waving goodbye to my dad, the halls where silent which was unusual, usually they're full of teens but i must be early, i hurried to my locker and started looking for all the stuff i needed and putting stuff i didn't back in.the silence changed in around about five minutes when a group of more popular kids came strolling past me, the girls in slutty cheer leading uniforms with their perfect hair tied back into perfect ponytails whilst their perfect boyfriends followed their perfect butts down the hall, they didn't even give me a second glance. id probably look good in a cheer leading uniform but i cover up my body so only my family and doctors actually know how slim i am. as more people flow into the school and down the corridors i begin my trek to math and then out of nowhere my best friend attacks me. "Novey!" she shouts and she runs over to me her hair flowing behind her, to be honest I'm jealous of Cam shes got everything, a normal family life, a boyfriend who loves her to bits and hair "hey" i mutter as she giggles like a hyena on meth "oh my god" she begins, oh no here comes the gossip "there is this totally cute new guy and apparently hes moving in the house across from mine and so you know what that means" she squeals, oh no "you've got a new neighbour!". crap.