July 9th, 2015
The last two weeks had been really hard. After finding Alex sleeping with my best friend Taylor, everything seemed to fall. I was stuck in a well that just kept going down. It was a never ending of darkness. I couldn't do anything but cry and think. I wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping. I just thought what it would be like if I could disappear.
When I was young, my mom and dad would always read me one book "Peter Pan." I always loved how Peter took the kids to "Never land" and once they were there, they were happy. "Is that where Michael is" I asked every night. "Did Peter Pan take him to Never land?" My brother killed himself when I was 8. The only memory I had with him was when he read that book to me. Maybe if I was gone, Peter Pan could take me to Never land, so I could finally see Michael once again. "Michael. If you can hear me, I need your help. I need help. I need you Michael" I cried. "Come back home. I need you. Everything is wrong right now. Just come back. Take me to Never land."
I was packing for camp tomorrow and looking through my dad's drawers while he was at work. I came across Vicodin(Its medicine for my dad's pain). I grabbed the case of hit, and stuffed it in my pocket. "For Later." I whispered. I was going to camp tomorrow so maybe if "something happened" there, no one would care. "No one cares anyways" I thought. That's what happens. When something horrible happens, it triggers even more emotion into thinking that no one is there for you and no one cares. It's even worse when more than one thing horrible happens and you just... never notice. That was me. I actually thought that my life could have been perfect. Everyone has there bad side. Mine is now showing.
All of a sudden I got a text message. It was Alex... it said
*Becca please take me back.
*It was a mistake.
I couldn't even look at the texts let alone forgive him. Though, something in my gut told me to answer.
You know what was a mistake*
*What
Dating you*
Goodbye Alex*
I heard a knock on the door. "What" I screamed. My dad walked in. "Hi honey" my dad said worried. "How are you feeling?" "I don't know dad. "My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, you and mom are divorced, and my brother is dead. How the fuck do you think I feel?" My dad looked surprised. He had never heard me speak like that. "I'm--I'm sorry. I don't know what that was." "It's okay" my dad said as he walked up toward me. "I know your life is very complicated. That's why you re going to camp. To get away from all the shit in the world that won't even matter soon." I looked at my dad, and started to cry. He grabbed me and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry daddy" I said quietly. "It's okay honey. It's not your fault."
For the first time these past two weeks, I finally was sort of okay. I just needed to get away from everything and everyone except this small camp for the screwed up lives. "I'll check on you later okay" my dad said relieved like he saw that I was better. "Ya" I smiled. My dad walked out and it was just me alone again. I took out the pills from my pocket. I looked at them for a while. I held them tight, and put them back in my pocket. "I'll see you soon Michael."
