I'm not sure if I ever meant anything to him nor if ever truly consider me a friend but I trusted him and that's all that mattered to me. I use to write to him a lot and tell him everything until 8th grade came around. During that time mother, brother and I had ran away from home. We were running away from father the one man who was supposed to protect us except that in our case we feared him. We were on the run for about a week and he was the only person I keep in contact with. I full heartedly trusted him but when we were found I came to realize that I foolish to have trusted him. He told father everything and I felt betrayed I knew he has unaware of what we were going through but I deep inside I hoped that he would keep silent for the sake of friendship. I was upset for with him but even at that I couldn't manage to make myself hate him. The end of eight grade year came to us quickly and we soon found ourselves asking each other what was next? What were our dreams? Who we were? With that I managed to gather enough courage to confess my feelings to him on the last day of school and I prepared myself to begin somewhere new.
I thought of becoming a whole new person and starting from scratch in high school but who was I kidding things had only gotten worse during that passing year. I remember walking in to class freshman year only to find him again sitting there as always smiling so brightly. It made me feel a bit peaceful but also burdened. I hated it because deep inside I knew that I couldn't lie to myself when someone who I had opened up to was there as a reminder of who I truly was. We began high school as good friends but as time progressed we I slowly began isolating myself and pushing him away. Life was beginning to push me around and so I began fading away to a point in which I wanted to disappear from the face of earth. I hated sophomore year during that time I really needed someone there for me but I couldn't speak I couldn't say anything. I remember him coming up to me from time to time asking how I was. I never told him the truth behind what was happening but just having him ask me how I was comforted me. And so I began to search for him in order to find courage to keep pushing through. During that year I committed a lot of mistake but most of all my world took a whole new turn. My family fell apart and with it I did too. Father was sentenced for a crime he committed against us his family while mother wouldn't even dare to leave the house. I experienced what it was to completely lose everything. My brother hated me and my mother was at the verge of losing it. As of me as much as I hated myself for what had happened I couldn't break down I couldn't cry and so my heart hardened and it began to feel heavy. I wanted to escape my reality and so I foolishly began dating in search of help of someone to listen. I was afraid of what he would do if he found out what had happened and I began to distant myself from him again. As time when by I saw him dating others as well. He was happy and honestly that's all that I could ask for. I was a broken begin. I had nothing to offer and so at that point I decided to give him up and remain as just a shadow looking at him from behind. Just being able to see him around was enough that's all I needed. He found out about what had happened to me a year later. His eyes soften a bit but for some reason I felt like things couldn't ever really be the same. During that year I had fought a hard battle I grew and found a dream. An "impossible dream" and so I took on many workout classes to lose the weight, vocal and dance classes plus a job. I pushed myself farther than I had ever. I was well I was happy until his words struck me "Steph look at yourself are you sleeping well? Are you okay? Don't overwork" I don't think he ever realized the meaning behind his words. At that single moment I realized how lonely and tired I truly was but at the same time i felt cared for I felt like there was someone cheering me on and so I keep going full force slowly overcoming. I found myself going to him again I would ask him for constructive criticism and show him my improvement. Just sharing my dreams with him fulfilled my heart. He would sit in front of me during calculous class and smiled as I doodled on my notebook trying to learn a new Korean word or memorized my monologues. He would make sure I would get some notes out of the class and try to explain things to me when I looked completely clueless. He cared he too looked out for me but for some reason it had taken me so many years to realize it.
