Look On The Cover Because Apparently You Can't Swear

This Will Probably Be The Only Part Just Saying

I'd like to begin by saying I am writing this at 1 AM. This is not going to be a decision I'm proud of in the morning. Maybe it will, I don't know.

Also, if you're one of Emma's friends and she told you about this, please go. Save me the embarrassment because like really it was written in the middle of the night and Aiden told me to write this because I had texted this to him and he was like "put it on wattpad" and I was like "okay why the fuck not". So, yeah, please don't look at this because it makes me cringe when people I know see the things I don't really tell many people.

P.S. from like a year later: i swore a lot in this just a warning like what was i even doing dear lord

If you hadn't guessed, the person who is fucking gay is me. I am in fact fucking gay. That is all I have to say bye everyone have a nice life the end.

Okay, I'm kidding but now I'm actually going to start to explain how I came to terms with myself and maybe help somebody.

When I was little, I would have a crush on a different well-known kid for every grade, moving on from guy to guy as soon as September came around.

God I'm tired. Fuck my life.

In the summer going into eighth grade, my Spanish Immersion class visited Costa Rica. Blah blah blah great experience and whatnot but I'm not going to get in to details. Going into it, I had a crush on this kid named Adam who was like captain of the soccer team and played basketball or some shit like that. I didn't when I left.

His friend Andrew found out, and by then I had given up on Adam because he was always a bit of a sarcastic asshole. That was when I'd say was the beginning of my quest through my brain in hopes to finding out who I would be willing to like date and such. You see, that was only one reason my crush vanished, the other being I thought a girl from my Eastern Hemisphere class the year before was like 10000000000x hotter.

So yeah, I went home after that and spent a lot of time being all like "Hmm, I think I might be bi. How very scary." Honestly, I don't even understand my thought process at the time because it's now like 1:30 AM or 2:00 or 1:00. I'm not sure because
1) Who has watches these days?
and
2) I'm trying to write right now. Very time-consuming.

One night I had come into my parents' bedroom where my mom was watching House Hunters and was like "Hmm, I can't sleep because I'm kind of busy questioning my sexuality. That's all. Enjoy your show." She gave me a really long hug and it was great and she said she would love me no matter what.

Two weeks later I was off to Mackinac Island to serve in the Governor's Honor Guard, also known as Mackinac Island Honor Scouts. Big deal. But up on the island I did more than stand in front of McGulpin House answering questions or raise the American flag at the foot of Fort Mackinac's entry ramp. I also thought a lot about Sam.

I should explain. Sam is a nickname for Samantha-Marie, a freshman. In college. As I am in eighth grade. Hopeless crush, I know. So I pretty much couldn't sleep at night because I was too busy thinking "Hmm, Sam is really hot, fuck my life."

After that stressful week ended, I finally got to head back home and just enjoy my summer, although it wasn't really too enjoyable with how nervous I was about liking girls. I knew no one I knew would have a problem with it, but I almost just couldn't admit it to myself that I was anything but straight. One night I finally whispered to myself "Hmm, okay, maybe I'm bi."

Then came my friend Jessica's birthday party. There were only four of us there, but we divided into two groups anyways. That was mostly because Jess and I started talking about girls and Mia and Aoife had nothing to add to the conversation. Anyways, I admitted something to her. "Hmm... Is it just me or are guys getting less and less attractive?"

A week later I went over to my best friend's house for a sleepover. This part may get a bit confusing with all the Emmas and Gs, so bear with me. So Emma, who we call Grutter because her last name is very fun to say, Guen, and I were sitting on this raft out on the lake. I was getting really nervous because I wanted to come out to them, but I didn't know how.

Grutter had the brilliant idea to play a game of truth or dare. Towards the end (because I made it the end), Guen asked me who I thought the most attractive person in our school was. It took me awhile to respond, and you could guess why. Glancing around nervously, I asked them which gender they would prefer (crossing my fingers for female, of course), and they just shrugged and gave literally zero shits.
"Hmm, um, maybe, um, Emma Frizzo."

So they were totally cool and Guen admitted she was cute and we started talking about her new haircut and I was hoping that meant what I think it meant: lesbian. Very, very hopeful I was. Oh, well.

School started up again and I worked up the courage to send her a video of someone screaming "FEW TIMES I'VE BEEN 'ROUND THAT TRACK SO IT'S NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT" from a car window and this kid starting to shout the lyrics as well, saying "BECAUSE THERE AIN'T NO HOLLER BACK, GIRL" . Well it worked. I won all of the affection. I was the winner.

She gave me her number after tennis and volleyball one afternoon and I nearly died of excitement. We texted a lot from that point on, and it worked out in my favor.

We had been talking about cats and kids and stuff and I mentioned that I already baby names picked out and stuff (you should know that I'm that bitch who has her whole life planned out and makes you feel like shit because of how prepared she is), and Emma said she didn't have any picked out yet and she probably wouldn't need to because she plans on adopting older kids because they don't usually get adopted and I was like freaking the fuck out like "she is too sweet kill me".

The next part is like some perfect movie shit. She said "Because I'm gay, so..." And, for the first time with no 'hmm' or 'but' or 'um', I stated
"Don't worry, so am I."

I know it's not like the greatest story or anything, but it's mine, so it may be pretty decent. There wasn't really any struggle in my coming out except before hand, but I just want people to know it's a whole lot of fucking fun being yourself and people keep complimenting me on my outfits. Which they should, by the way: I spent three whole months in the closet.