My mom hates me, my friends hate me- hell, by now, God probably hates me. All the colleges that I had applied to before have recalled their acceptance letters. All because of this one mistake. It’s not like I planned on doing it when I came. I guess the cops are calling it a crime of passion, but not me. See, how I see it, it was self-defense.
So I had caught my boyfriend cheating. He was having a picnic with some girl by the basketball court in the park. I guess the girl he was with realized it at the same time I did. She reacted way worse than I did. While I was just about to tell him off, she attacked me. And when I say attacked, I mean really attacked me. She jumped on me and knocked me to the ground, banging my head against the concrete of the basketball court. If this wasn’t a great time for self-defense, I don’t know what is. Honestly, I don’t know why she got mad at me. I was as clueless as she was.
But I was scared and panicking, so I pulled out my pocket knife. In my defense, I didn’t try to stab her in the stomach. I was only trying to get her in the arm- to get her off of me, nothing more than that. Except she moved suddenly right before I could hit her arm. As soon as I realized that she was bleeding to death, I called 911. But it wasn’t fast enough! By the time they got there, she was already gone.
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even stop crying. Do you know how hard it is to live with the guilt of actually killing someone? Really, really hard.
The next day, the police called me in to questioning. I answered honestly to all the questions- I didn’t get the point of lying. But for some reason, nobody believed anything I said. So, apparently, I’m a murderer now. If I actually had murdered her, then that would be whatever. The thing is, I honestly don’t believe that what I did would be called ‘murder’. Nobody else seems to think so, though . . .
I have my first hearing in front of a judge next week, and I’m extremely nervous. I’m sure he will be just another person who hears, but doesn’t listen. Most, if not all people do that now.
You know, the judge not believing me isn’t even the scariest part. The scariest part is that my mother, the one person who is supposed to stand by me no matter what, doesn’t believe me. Even after I showed her my head, the bumps and bruises I got from her attack, she wouldn’t even consider trusting me.
I know it’s hard to prove that it was self-defense, because the only witness was my ex-boyfriend, and the two of us aren’t exactly on speaking terms. To tell you the truth, I’m not even completely sure he’s going to tell the truth at the hearing. He’s not really an honest person.
All I can do now is hope that people will understand someday that I would never murder anyone. I guess that’s a long shot, though.
