Depth

The pool

I stared at the clear crystal water one last time, lingering, watching each trickle. An intense envy rose through me. They so lazily move without caution, without fear or regret. They had no reason to feel anger or love or envy for that matter. All they had to do was move.
I took one deep cleansing breathe and turned around. "This is it." I whispered to no one in particular. My voice calm and smooth, not matching the harsh unstoppable beat in my chest. I took a small step back, my foot quivering at the edge of the pool. The same pool I had grown up with. It reminded me of the first time I tried to dive in. I was shaking so bad I ended up tripping in leaving my feet behind me, to crash into the edge of the pool.
A small laugh erupted from my chest almost without my consent. It was the first time I had laughed in months it caught me off guard. Thats when I felt the salty sting in my eyes and a single bead of water stain down my left cheek, I heard it softly land on the toe of my shoe. One more step. That's it. That's all I need to do.
I lifted my foot slowly, cautiously. As I let it land into the nothingness of the pool behind. My body went limp. I had no choice in the matter, everything was completely numb. For a split second I felt free, my body gliding through the air, sweeping my hair to my face.
Then confusion. As the water smashed against my neck, forcing my head forward causing me to gasp. Taking a gallon of water into my lungs.
Then fear. I started to reach my hands out, smashing my legs about the water. My hands tearing furiously at nothing. Rushing, regretting. Screaming into the water crying out. There was no going back, there's nothing there for me. Everything I loved taken. Everything I cared for stolen from my grasp. As these thoughts lurched to the front of my mind I stopped struggling.
I let my body ease into the water, I stopped screaming, stopped breathing. Everything was still. For once my heart slowed. I opened my eyes to see a blue sanctuary that seemed to stretch for miles. This is where I belonged. This was home.
For months my life has been a tornado, destroying everything in its path. As I watched it tearing its way toward me. I felt nothing but a state of constant fear, but now. Now I was finally hear. I was in the eye of the storm. It was quiet and calm. Destruction was all around me but I as in a euphoric high and it was amazing.
I let the water wrap itself around me and take me as one of its own. Hugging my chest tightly. I let my eyelids flutter until they were finally celled shut. The cool floor of the pool finally hit my head. Here it came. Finally on its way. Death.

A/N : hey :D first book here so yeah hope you enjoy it, there's a lot more to come so don't worry.