Larry Stylinson - Turning From Praise (AU)

5.

“I don’t believe that it makes any difference to God who you fall in love with – there’s so many atrocities in this world, he must be so busy trying to fix everything that’s broken…I can’t see how he would havetime to bother about something like that. There’s so little happiness that I think he’d probably be glad of two more people being happy. That’s why I can’t understand why everyone takes such an exception to my sexuality.”

Louis had managed to palm off Daisy and Phoebe onto one of his mother’s friends, and he’d asked Harry if maybe he wouldn’t mind coming and sitting with him in the park for a while, because he kind of wanted to talk. And surprisingly, Harry had agreed, which was why they now happened to be sat on a peeling park bench, several inches apart, tearing up bread that someone had left after feeding the ducks and throwing it to the pigeons while Harry explained his views on both religion and sexuality. Louis had to admit that he was captivated, hearing someone else’s point of view so simply and reasonably put across. It felt weird to know that rather than all of the issues being black and white like he’d always been taught, there might be a kind of murky grey in between all of those arguments.

“Have you never ever looked at someone who’s the same gender as you and thought that they’re attractive? Like…you’ve never had thoughts of anything more than friendship towards any other guy, ever?”

Louis swallowed. With the only boy whose mouth, eyes, hands and jawline he had ever been attracted to sitting so closely to him, watching him so intensely, it was hard to remember that he was completely not into the male species and had absolutely no interest in romantic involvement with anyone who didn’t possess a pair of boobs.

“Uh…I don’t know. Maybe fleetingly…” He couldn’t meet Harry’s gaze, couldn’t look at him, daren’t give any form of indication that he’d had exactly those kind of thoughts towards this boy who he barely knew and had been struggling to try and dislike only a few days back –

Harry understood. One of his hands landed on Louis’ knee and he squeezed supportively.

“It’s hard to get your head around, I know. But it doesn’t change you in any way other than relationships, not really. I’m still the same guy I’ve always been – a little braver now, perhaps. The fact is, people love to have a scapegoat, and if you’re what society perceives as different, then you perfectly fit the bill. People don’t like me because I’m not like them. I could quite easily change, make life easier for myself, but that’s not who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself. I’m happy with how I am, and I don’t see why God shouldn’t be.”

Louis didn’t like to admit it, but he was somewhat in awe of this attitude which, to him, seemed completely radical. “But aren’t you afraid?”

Surprised, Harry’s green eyes alighted on Louis’ face and he blinked, taken aback. “Of what?”

“Like…what if you’re wrong? What if there’s some kind of divine retribution for you being this way? The Bible says –”

“I don’t believe in the Bible,” Harry said firmly. “I don’t like its principles. It seems too much like Chinese whispers to me, or fairy stories. Besides, who wrote the Bible? God didn’t write it. It was written by some men who reckoned they knew what God wanted. Anyway, Jews believe in the first half of the Bible, but not the second, right? They believe in the Old Testament but not the new. Well, I don’t believe in any of it.”

Louis was horrified. “If my mother were here right now, she would tell you that you’re going straight to hell for that statement.”

Defiantly, Harry lifted his chin, looked him right in the eyes, and said clearly, “That’s a shame, since I don’t believe in hell, either.”