She could be. She will be. No, she could never be mine. We are friends. In fact, best friends. But we live in very different worlds. She can just sitting beside me, but it seems like she's too far away. Yet, I will always be in love with her.
She has a slim body and perfect smile. She wears a plain shirt, either white or blue, with navy blue jeans. She always wears her long black hair down and it now sways beautifully as she walks towards me. Now, I can hear her strumming her guitar and with her eyes fixed on me. It felt like the hallway became a garden of roses as her scent fills the air, but her look broke all my imaginations.
"Not again", I murmured.
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME LADY? DID I GIVE YOU ANY PERMISSION?!" She yelled.
"I'm sorry. The name just came in my mind and I said it" I answered.
TUGH! She punched me hard on the face, another addition to the black eye she gives me every time she's mad. I've always wanted to call her that, more likely "MY LADY" for me, she still a lady.
"BUT I AM NOT A LADY! I TOLD YOU! YOU SEE, I'M A TOUGH GUY! I'M TOUGHER THAN YOU, THAN ANY GUYS IN THE ROOM AND I'M TOTALLY TOUGHER THAN MY DAD!"
I saw a tear fell from her eyes. Sadness fills her eyes every time she speaks about her dad. I cannot blame her, she is just a victim.
Two months ago, her mother died. Not because of her mother's illness, but because of domestic violence. When her father was fired from his job as a general manager in Fireworks Company, her father became a heavy drinker and would always hurt them. In all the pain that he caused them, her mother's death was the worst. At her mother's burial, his father didn't show up as if he disappeared like a bubble and left her with her grandmother. The whole class attended the burial, but she didn't notice us. She just stared at her mother's coffin, without her perfect smile, but without her perfect smile, but without a trace of sadness. All I saw were fierce anger in her beautiful eyes. She got back to School a day after the burial. Something's different with her and she had these very peculiar actions not usually hers. Yes, she still laughs hard and tells jokes, but she's not the lady I once knew. She's trying very hard to pretend everything's alright. Even in a distance, I knew it.
Then one day while I was making a sketch, she approached me.
"How does it feel being a guy? Is it fun?" she asked me.
I was startled. The girl that I always dreamed of being friends with, well honesty of being more than friends, finally talked to me.
"Are you just going to stare at me?!" She smells sweet. She uses no perfume, but she still smells good.
"I just waste my time" She frowned and turned back from me.
"Well, it is fun" I started talking afraid that she won't talk to me again. "I can drink and party with my friends, no curfews, no need for make-ups and high heels."
"Hahahaha. You look pretty nervous, I was just asking" she said giggling..
"Oh, did I look nervous?" it took me some more guts to say some more words.
"Just fine with a nerd" she said, then giggled again.
I never noticed those dimples and her red lips.
"Call me Claud. NO MORE DALE OR CLAUDINE." Then we shook hands.
"But Dale Claudine is a good name." I said with objection.
She dropped my hand and shouted,
"I SAID FROM NOW ON CALL ME CLAUD!"
Right then, I understood what she meant.
"IF I AM A GUY, NO ONE CAN HURT ME, NO ONE WOULD LOOK DOWN ON ME AND THINK THAT I AM WEAK. I WILL BE STRONG AND TOUGH. NOT JUST FOR MYSELF BUT ALSO FOR GRANDMA CATHY. NO ONE WOULD EVER SEE ME CRY. NO ONE! "
From that day on, we become best of friends. We would eat lunch together and go home together. She teaches me how to play guitar while I teach her how to draw. She told me her father's history, how she learned to play guitar and how she got those scars on her left knee.
I told her my family's history and how asthmatic my parents are. We laughed and cried at our best and worst. Everyday started to become meaningful. Yet, I can't deny the fact that we're best friends. But I guess, this could be a dream come true.
"I'm sorry for punching you" she said sobbing.
I was caught up with my reminiscing that I didn't notice that she still crying
"its okay. I'm fine, I can always go to clinic"
I said then smiled at her. She wiped her tears and smiled back.
"Thank you for being a good friend, Rexis. You know I would not talk to no one but you. You may look like dork at first, but you are really good"
she said while she staring t me. I was blushing and I felt my cheeks are getting hot. Is this normal for a guy? I guess so. I was speechless so I just smiled. Out of the blue, she stood up then scream.
" Rexis Albert Santiago is the best best friend in the world! And oh! He still available!"
Everyone in the hallway looked at her. Some girls giggled, while others snorted when they looked at me. A group of boys howled, while some teachers smirked. All classes had ended, so probably a quarter of the school population was there. I covered my face with sketchpad in shame.
"No one wants you, I think they are all blind. I told you to stop wearing glasses, maybe they thought you are weird. Well, if they don't want you, you're all mine"
she said then smiled at me beautifully. My heart skipped a little.
" re... re.. really?" I asked slowly.
" yeah! ^_^ that's right. MY BESTFRIEND IS ALL MINE" she said jokingly.
I felt the world crumbled before me. I am stupid. Why did I ask that question? I should have just let my imagination eat me up and for one second think that she likes me. What am I thinking?
"Are you okay? You look stunned" she asked.
"I'm going home" I answered.
This time, this one really hurts. It hurt my ego. But mostly it hurt my heart. The silent from the depths of my heart ate me up. The hallway seemed quiet as I walk my way home. I didn't hear the music played by the group of boys, nor the laughter of the girls near the balcony, and neither the argument of two teachers. I just stared at them as I walk, but I can't hear them. It seems like the world had stopped by the loneliness I have. I want to scream as if I'm the the only person who can hear my cries, yet no voice came out. It should not end up like this. Why have I allowed my self to fall in love with her?
Life would be easier for me falling in love with a normal girl. Why her? I want to blame her father , that company, and everyone who is the reason for turning her into someone she is now the beautiful lady I knew is now someone I distantly remember. Yet she will be in my heart. Arghhh. I hate this feeling!
It rained that afternoon. It seemed like the sky joined me in tears. I got wet because I walked home. I just thought having a smell of fresh air might help me, but I think it didn't. My backpack and sketchpad are all wet. My sketches of her are no ruined. I think the acid-free label of my sketch pad is not true. I must throw it away. Then I remembered her. Had she brought an umbrella? Did she take a ride home? I don't know why I still think of her. I know we are unlikely to end up together.
SHE HATES MEN, SO SHE HATES ME, BUT SHE LIKES MAN. What can I do? I'm just her best friend, and I must be contented with it. That's all she can give. Now, my head is telling me I had too much of the rain I just want to get some sleep. Maybe in my dreams I could no thick of her or maybe there she cold be mine.
