This Can't Be The End: OUAT Captain Swan

Choosing My Fate

A/N: Initially, this story was a way for me to deal with something in my life. An old friend of mine, an amazing guy that I had a crush on for years, took his life. It was really hard for me to deal with, and I struggled for weeks. I'd never lost someone close to me before, not really. This was the first time someone I really cared about died, and I think suicide made it worse. The fact that he chose to leave...

Anyway, I started writing to help process what had happened, and I ended up with this. It's pretty dark, and it's got a lot of angst, but I'm actually really proud of it. I think it's become one of my favorite things I've written, because I relate to it. The title of the fic comes from Down by Blink 182...I listened to quite a bit of blink 182 while writing this- Adam's Song, I Miss You, Fighting The Gravity- as well as Rescued by Jack's Mannequin (which the following lyrics are from), View From Heaven by Yellowcard and Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World. I recommend listening to those songs, if nothing else they're amazing.

Oh, I can feel her, she's dying
Just to keep me cool
I'm finally numb, so please
Don't get me rescued

Emma kissed Neal on the cheek before walking out the door. Since returning from Neverland, she felt different. Her world was turned upside down looking for Henry, and no one was more surprised than her by how he was found. Gold had risked his life to save the boy- knowing full well that he was supposed to be his undoing eventually, but choosing to save him anyway- and none other than Killian Jones nearly offering himself up as a sacrifice to retrieve the two. The three made it back- but not entirely unscathed. Emma had been so grateful to Hook that she'd helped him with the steering of the ship on their return, and his recovery once in Storybrooke. The man started growing on her and she couldn't help but smile when she thought of some of the memories on the search for Henry, especially a particular moment of weakness when she'd given in to budding feelings and kissed him.

And then there was Neal.

She was reluctant to say the least to trust him, but it didn't take long at all for her to fall in love with the way his eyes sparkled or the curve of his lips when she smiled that smile that was just for her. She found herself forgiving him of their past and letting him back into her heart so quickly she was breathless. When Hook had noticed, he asked her if she was truly that foolish, to return to the man that tore her apart so much.

The thing was, she didn't care what he thought anymore. She was in love, and seeing that man with their son was all she'd ever wanted. A family.

"See you for dinner, babe?" Neal called out just before the door slipped shut. She smiled and nodded.

"Yep."

"Love you," he said softly. She looked to the ground before walking over to him and kissing him slowly.

"I love you," she said, remembering the time she'd said those three little words thinking they'd be the last thing he ever heard. Perhaps one day they still would be.

She left the apartment and walked out into the crisp morning air. She saw her mother on the way to the station and said hello, chatting for a bit about the Charming's new home and how it was coming along. Their conversation was interrupted however when she noticed Ruby running out onto the street and shouting.

"Fuck you, Hook!" she was saying. Emma rolled her eyes and squeezed Snow's shoulder before running towards the diner. "I swear to God I'll call her and tell her if you don't get the hell out of here!"

"Ruby! Hey- what's going on? What did he do?" Emma asked frantically.

"He's been here all fucking night long- the bastard broke in last night we found him passed out in the back of the kitchen. All the rum is gone, he has no way to pay for it, and he won't leave!"