Please Don't Jump

Trigger warning-self harm/suicide

Tom could feel it in the pit of his stomach, something was horribly wrong. He could feel his twin's brother's pain. Just earlier he thought his brother was fine, but now, he knew he wasn't. Flooring the gas pedal he tried to get home as fast as he could. The things he heard tonight matched with all the signs he just now picked up on. Why didn't he see it before? Tears of fear fell down his cheeks flying down the highway to get home faster. Only one thing mattered at this moment, his twin brother.

"Come on Billa, you only graduate high school once in your lifetime. Georg wants us all to be there for his party." Tom practically begged his twin to go with him. Arms wrapped around Bill's waist tightly with Tom's voice in his ear.

"I already said no Tommi now please stop." Bill said flatly trying to wriggle out of his brother's grip.

Tom refused to let his brother go and continued to try and persuade him to go.

"Tommi please, I don't feel like going out with you to watch you get so drunk you can't stand so I have to get you home and take care of you."

"Ok fine no drinking, cross my heart, now please will you come with me?"

"For the last time Tom no! Now just leave me alone!" Bill screamed as he stormed off to the bathroom they shared. He locked the door to prevent anyone from coming in. Sinking to the floor with his back against the wall tears slid down his cheeks. He hated screaming at his twin and he could feel that he hurt him. Ever since they were little they could feel when the other one was hurting and nothing changed as they grew up. Bill could hear jingle of keys then the bedroom door open and shut. Once he was convinced that Tom was gone he opened the bathroom door and walked out. Outside he could hear Tom's car start then speed away tires squealing against the pavement. Bill curled up into a ball hugging Tom's pillow to his chest. He took a deep inhale of Tom's scent.

"Oh Tommi, if only you knew." Bill sobbed to himself rubbing his wrists.

Tom was almost furious at his little brother. After multiple times of Bill dragging him to events and parties he didn't want to go to Bill couldn't go to this one party their friends were throwing?

"What is his deal tonight?" muttered Tom. He had been acting really strange for the several weeks. Tom sped down the empty streets in his car. He loved the feeling of being free. For a graduation present their parents had gotten him and Bill matching black sports cars with corresponding license plates. Tom looked at the rear view mirror, hanging around it was half the ying-yang symbol on a metal chain. In Bill's car hung the other half. He would always remember when they got them, they were taking a school trip to the United States and Bill was terrified to leave home but Tom managed to comfort him and calm him down so he could enjoy himself. While they were there Tom surprised Bill with the necklaces the day they were heading back to Germany. Bill was Tom's healthy balance, his other half; without his brother he would surly die on the inside. Tom reached for his phone, pulling up Bill's contact he preceded to text.

"Billa I'm sorry for trying to make you go tonight, I love you so much. If you want me to I'll come home now. This party isn't near as important to me as you are."

He clicked send and sat his phone back down in the cup holder waiting for a reply. Only a couple minutes later his phone beeped with a text message.

"Go have fun Tommi. I love you too and just so you know I'm so sorry."

Bill laid on their bed still sobbing to himself, in his hand clutched his half of the ying-yang necklace. His other half was gone, going to some party where he would probably get drunk and try and hook up with some slut. Bill hated the idea of some slut touching his twin. He gritted his teeth gripping Tom's pillow closer. Tom's smell filled his nostrils, the smell of his cologne and cigarette smoke. It was almost intoxicating to Bill, closing his eyes he imagined his brother laying there next to him like he had done every night since they were little kids. The way Tom would hold Bill close when he would wake up from a nightmare. How he would run his fingers through Bill's long hair. Tom would always get annoyed when anyone else would play with his dreadlocks but when Bill would do it he would almost enjoy it. He loved the way he could look in the mirror and see his twin in his face. Being identical twins they shared even more of a special bond, they were almost one person and that's the way they liked it. Bill sat up and pulled his hair out of his face, pulling it into a hair band to secure it in place. He got up and walked to the nearest mirror in their room. Makeup ran down his face making black streaks, his cheeks slightly sunken in from not eating right; eyes bloodshot from crying so hard and continuing to cry. Bill slipped off his hoodie, he had to see again. He had to see the damage he had done to himself. Multiple cuts and scars ran up his arms, deeper cuts on his wrists. He had to be careful Tom didn't see what he had done or he would be broken. Gently caressing his cuts with the tips of his fingers he opened up his dresser drawer pulling out a book he needed for school. Bill flipped to a certain page where his razor blade stayed hidden from everyone else. He picked up the cold blade and held it for a second just studying it. Slipping his skinny jeans down and sat on the floor and ran the blade across his thighs carving the word "Fag" over and over again. Screaming out in pain he threw his blade across the room when he felt he endured enough. Bill had been in denial about his true feeling for awhile, Bill was gay. He tried to tell his brother but anytime he brought it up Tom just shut down the idea saying how sickening gay people where. The words still stung Bills heart every time he thought of that day. It would kill him if his brother thought he was sick and didn't want anything to do with him. Blood now gushed out of his thighs so he tried to get to the bathroom as fast as he could to avoid getting blood on the carpet. Bill ran cold water into the bathtub, stripped down and got in. The water stung his fresh cuts but he didn't care. If anything he considered it more punishment for his "disease".