The Cat Rapist (A Series)

A/N: This is a HUMOR not meant to be serious. Please don't hate you cat lovers. We (Kyliegh and best friend Mandy) have a cat named Kaspar and a dog Dixie.  We were bored and we thought it was funny. So read on and smile while reading :) (until it gets to the bad part)

I grinned and pushed open the door to my house. The door opened with a small creak. I spotted all my cats. Mr. Kitty was at the top of the couch sleeping. Mrs. Kitty was on top of the t.v. Dixie lounging happily on the stairs. Popcorn was walking around wagging her tail with every step. Justin stood proudly in the sink drinking the water that was leaking from the spout.  

I laid on the floor and it felt great on my back.  I rolled onto my stomach. "Alright guys you know the drill" I smiled. All my cats lined up and walked all over my back.  They walked all over causing my back to pop. I felt really good.

I sat up and saw my cat Mr. KItty staring at me intently. "What?" I asked bitterly.  It hissed and ran away. Jerk. I got up and walked to my room to see Mr.Kitty sitting on my bed. "Mr.Kitty!!! You are a bad boy! Out!" I pushed him out as Popcorn came in.

She jumped up on my bed and I petted her as she purred. I sat down and I heard my phone ringing "Cat cat catty cat cats are GREATTTTT!!" I picked the phone up and heard the other line,

"Meo-hahahah- Me-Meowww" My best friend said laughing so hard.

"Yes?" I asked annoyed. 

"Hey. Can-Can I talk to Mr.Kitty" She said trying to hide her laugh

"Suuuurrrreeee" I said happily. "Mr. Kitty" I tweeted. He burst into the room. I picked him up as he purred happily. I put the phone infront of him and he meowed into the speaker.

"Hey Mr.Kitty" She said muffled as I tried to hear. He meowed twice and ran away. "What?!" I said running after him. He said "F YOU!!! Did he just speak!? What the...! I ran faster to find him on the counter licking himself clean. "MR. KITTY!!!!!!!!" I yelled.  "WHAT A FOUL MOUTH YOU OWN!!!!!!! The tongue isn't cleaning you just making you dirtier" I frowned at him angrily.

"I will call you back later.." I said closing the phone.

I heard Popcorn meow wanting food. I grabbed one of the bags under the sink and poured it in her bowl and she ate hungrily. I skipped into my room upstairs and almost tripped upstairs. I went to get on Facebook and I saw no one updated so I clicked out and went to my stairs.

I saw Dixie on the stairs looking happily at me. I smiled back and walked quickly down the stairs. I ended up tripping and fell. "BLEH AHH DIXIE!!" I yelled while falling down. Dixie ran to me and ran away.

"Where are you going!!!???" I yelled getting up. My mom walked in and saw a bruise on my arm. 

"Oh my! Thank gosh Dixie got me just in time. You would've bled and then bled to death!!" My mom said worriedly. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Sometimes my mom was so overprotecting sometimes. I dusted myself off and smiled even wider. "I am fine mommy." I said checking to there isn't any blood on the stairs.

Our neighbors think we are crazy so they have the cops check on us every week. And if they saw blood on the stairs they would FREAK out. They would think we commited a murder. 

My mom left to work at home. See my dad ran away so now we have cats to confort us! I chilled on the couch petting Dixie and Popcorn. I watched Cats 101 it's all about cats and what you need to know about a certain kind. I watched as they teached me about the simease cat. Mrs.Kitty was a simease. I giggle at Popcorn trying to scratch at the t.v. I skipped over to her and picked her up.

"Bad, bad kitty." I said shaking my head. I put her in her cage and gave water food and toys. 

I lounged on the couch and then put the rest of kitty's in as I picked up around the house picking up their toys and giving it to them. I yawned and looked at my bruise. It was okay... I yawed again and went upstairs to my room and changed into my pajama's and fell into bed. I grabbed my laptop and checked facebook and then wrote my book about cats. It was called The Cat Rapist. Yep it was a weird name. But I knew they would never rape me. Right?