Chapter 1: Bye, Bleu

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Bleu's POV


"M-mom, i'm good here. The neighborhood's great mom. Ayos lang ako dito."


"Sweetheart, umuwi ka na lang kasi. I know you're just doing this because of --"



"M-mom, stop."


"Bleu." I heared my mom called my name on the other line.



I closed my eyes and a tear fell from my eye.



'Calvin.' I said.


The reason why I left Philippines, and my family, and my dreams and the memories i've been keeping.



Ayoko na siyang maalala. He already move on and I should also.



But, why can't I?



Why am I still keeping the hopes and still sleeping with the memories he and I shared.




Bakit ayokong bitawan ang mga pangarap namin? Bakit ayaw kong kalimutan ang mga pangako nya? Ganito talaga pag nagmahal ka. Nagiging selfless ka. Mahal mo 'e. Kahit anong pilit kong kamuhian siya sa pagiwan at pangloloko niya sa akin, nananaig pa rin ang mga ala-alang iniwan niyang buhay na buhay sa akin.



"M-mom, i'm trying to forget about him. I'm finishing my studies here and i'm doing good. Please, d-dont worry too much."



I heared her sighed, "J-just take care of yourself, sweetie. I love you bleu." And she ended the call.



I miss my family but I miss my oldself more. The jolly and lively Bleu I used to be before he entered my life.



I can't wait for that time to come when 'moving-on' pills will be invented and leave people with broken hearts healed.



Sabi nila, it would only take 3 months for a person to finally move-on.



Pero bakit ako? Five months. Five long months and i'm still going to bed with pain and longing eating me.



Ayoko na. Ayoko ng masaktan pa.

Bigla kong naala yung araw na iyon.


-FLASHBACK-


"P-pero Calvin! Why are you d-doing this?"

I asked him looking straight unto his eyes. Ayokong isiping tama ang nakikita ko sa mga mata niya, wala ng pagmamahal kundi purong awa na lang.


Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko. Habang patuloy namang umaagos ang luhang nanggagaling sa mata ko.



"Ipagpatuloy mo ang buhay mo, Bleu. Ipagpatuloy mo ng wala na ako. I'm sorry, I fell inlove again. But this time, not with you."


Ye right. Not with me. This time not with me.


Bumitaw siya at hinalikan ako sa noo bago siya tumalikod at nagsimulang maglakad papalayo.


Papalayo sa akin. At alam kong hanggang dito na lang talaga.


-END OF FLASHBACK-


Sabagay, hindi niya kasalanan.



Kagaya ng hindi niya kasalanan ng mainlove sa akin. Hindi niya rin kasalanan na mainlove sa iba.



Bakit nga ba ganun?



Hindi tayo nasaktan ng mainlove yung taong mahal sa atin pero nasakatan tayo ng mainlove sila sa iba.



Diba sabi nila "The only thing that is permanent in this world is Change."



If you'll just see it in a different point of view, it is normal for a person who was inlove with you to fell inlove with another.



But why does it needs to be this hurtful? Why can't the pain last for a second only.



Why can't the happiness he brought, vanish in just a day?



Why can't the memories be forgotten in just a week?



Why can't this feeling leave in just a few days only?



Bakit kaylangan pa nating makaranas ng ganito?



I must have been that bad in my past life to punish me this much today.


I'm so hurt. Bakit hindi na lang galit ang maramdaman ko? Mas madali mawala ang galit kesa sa sakit.



Hatred can be taken away just by replacing it with a happy memory and acceptance but the pain? I don't think there will ever be a faster solution for that. Even anesthesia only last for an hour or a day but not long enough to not feel pain at all.


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