50 Shades of Grey

                                     " You only live once, but if you do it right. Once is enough"

                                                                                                       - Mae West

                                                                             

                                                                              JENNA                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

I slide my hand underneath my pillow where I keep the small knife. I yank it out gripping at the handle. Hot tears fill my eyes. But no matter how many times I blank. They don't fall. But I am not crying because I'm about to cut myself. I'm used to the maneuver, I've been doing it for years. It started when I was 10 in six grade. Four  years later and still doing it. Finally I cut myself. Hissing under my breath. 

I was been bullied because of where I live. In a foster home. I like to cut myself. It's weird but I enjoy the pain. And being a social outcast. Because it's easier to escape from the real world. I'm the kind of girl who likes to surround myself with books instead of people. And listen to music like I Dreamed a Dream, beacause it talks about the real word.  Because I think the homo sapien (human) race is full of no good tyrants and heartless people And I dream that one day I will escape this hellhole and become a famous author, news reporter and movie director.

My mom died in a car accident when I  was five years old. It was Christmas Eve, it's really hard to wake up on Christmas  Day without one of your loved ones. And the bastard who is my father left my mom when he hsd found out she was pregnant again two years later. The first  time was with my sister Andria.  And we barely talk. And plus our foster father is an alcoholic and he barely takes care of my sister and I.

I grab the picture of my mom that I keep on the night stand. Looking at it tears splatter  it. I bring the picture frame close to my chest. Trying to imagine that mom is here. My mom used to tell me how much I look like my father. Sadly we both have the same dark brown har and brown eyes. I also inhrited his small pouty lips. Andria looks more like my mom. And lately I've been trying to loose weight. I'm not  thick but I have unwanted curves and I feel like they make me look bigger. As insecure as I sound.

I began weeping loud and pathetically. I cover my mouth with my hand trying to drown out the crying.    So the others won't hear.  

I remember the first time I came here, how I would pray everynight for God to get us out of here. But then I stopped believing in his miracles. And everytime I try to pray I think that he isn't listening so I've given up. But not Andria she's always had her faith in God. Which makes me jealous of her. And has me questioning why am I the one to suffer. Because everyday I question my life and no one realizes how many burdens I have. I wish that I could live life carelessly. And I wonder why am still alive when others who are alot kinder towards God are dead. 

                                                                         ANDRIA

I've been trying to track down my birth father, living in a foster home is awful. And I'm scared of Tom our foster father. Last night he came into my room and gave me a "goodnight' kiss on the lips. And he's been touching with every chance he got. It's bad enough having Lanny, my foster brother have a crush on me.

" wait, hold up, he kissed you?' Asked my friend Lena as though I did not just repeat that for the umpteenth time. But she the only friend I can tell this withouth feeling like a total freak. " Yes! "  I yell over the phone while trying to do the laundry. " Well, I gotsta go. Babysittin' ".  She says before hanging up. 

I set my phone down. " Hey, babe."  I recognize that voice it Lanny. " Go away, can you not realize when your unwanted?" I say bitterly. But the next thing I know his lips are on mine and his hands are traveling on my body. I try to shove him a away, screaming. " Get off of me!"  I yell at top of my lungs. " She said  get off of her."  Said Tom, shoving Lanny off of me. And to my suprise punches him on the jaw. I gasp loudly. Tom turns to me his eyes red probably because he drinks so much. I sprint to my room  in disbelief. " Omygod!" I whisper loudly while panting and gasping.

                                                                              JENNA 

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