What Is Love????

What is love??? I am married and have 2 beautiful kids, and yet I dont know what love is. I don't know if I love my husband.

Maybe because I tried so hard to never believe in love....???? I even left america and went back to my country. I stayed there for 2 years with just my son and my husband's family. I never missed him the way loved ones did. I was so happy just with my son.

This was about 3 years ago, back than I only had my son, he was 2 years old. So my husband use to send me money every month for me and my son. I did go through alot of trouble, but I was happy....... I slept well and ate well better than I do today.

So after I lived in my country for 2 years, my husband came from america. So we stayed together in my country for 5 months. We had a good 2 weeks than everything started to fall apart.

I don't want to go into to much details.....  So this is how I got pregnant with my second child. After my husband decided that I can't go back to america with him, I decided to get pregnant.......

I had to get pregnant because that was the only way to go back to america. I know I said I was happy in my country, but I was born and raised in america. My whole family lives in america, my father,mother,brothers,and my sisters.

To be honest I also didn't like it when he was controlling me.

This isn't love!!!!!Love is when you care for another!!!!
Love is when you respect another!!!
Love is when you'd die and not let even a tear drop from your loved one!!!!
Love is honesty!!!!!
Love is when you would sacrifice anything just to see your loved one smile!!!!!

This is my opinion of love.
So does love exist these days???
Now these days you would find out that your husband is talking to another girl!!!!
And yet he'd say he loves you!!!!
He'd text several girls and say that your his one and only!!!!!!
He'd go on a date with a girl and come back home like he didn't do anything wrong!!!!!

He'd come back give you a hug and say " I missed you or I love you"....
Is this the love that we all been dreaming about???
Is this prince charming that we been waiting for???

So I did get pregnant and we went back to america. My second child is a beautiful girl. So my son is 5 years old now and my daughter is 11 months, and yet I haven't felt the love I'm talking about. Maybe because I'm afraid to love??

To be honest yes I am afraid to love!!! And I blame my parents for my pain!!!! I do love them with all my heart...... but seeing them loving each other than arguing than even fighting with each other when I was a child. I was too young to understand. Than they got divorced when I was at age 11.

So my father went on with his life, he got married, he has 5 kids.
My mother also got married, she has 2 girls.

So I know this isn't pretty much a story..... and maybe I didn't even make sense. The point is I want to know, does true love exist???
Am I the only one that is feeling this way???

I did say I blame my parents...
But I do appreciate one thing....
Now I know I would never ever leave my kids, because I know how it is living without your parents.

You know what I feel right now ...
Just when I'm about to finish writing....
I just figured out I am in love!!!!
I'm deeply in love with my kids.
That is all the love I ever needed.
So maybe there's no prince charming for me at the end....

But I have 2 wonderful kids.
There the joy and happiness in my life. Alhamdillah that I finally found love. I'm glad that I found love with my angels.

So now I know love does exist.
It doesn't have to be prince charming. It can be your child.
The one you carried inside you for 9 months. The one who gave you the most beautiful feeling and the most wonderful moments in your life.
Like after giving birth, your in pain... but when you carry your baby in your arms.....
You suddenly forget all the pain.
You forget when you hold his/her
little hand. When you hold him/her
Close in your arms.

When they start to say mama.
When they start to crawl.
When they start to walk.
The most beautiful thing is when the mother is the one they call for, when they start to talk.

Your the one they crawl to.
Your the one they walk to,
When they take there first steps.

So I'm in love with my beautiful children.