I Love You, Stupid

Chapter One

Prologue

"Because I'm in love with you!" I yelled. The vein in my neck pulsed with the anger that flowed through my body.

His eyes widened and his lips parted ever so slightly. I heard the gasps of the others around us and my heart almost stopped. I hadn't meant for that to slip out. But I couldn't take it back now. My chest constricted tightly as my eyes searched his blank ones—he said nothing, his face completely emotionless.

It was over. With one last sad glance, I turned to walk away. On Monday the whole school would know about this and I'd be the laughingstock of high school. A hand on my shoulder had me freezing as hope ignited within me. He's stopping me! I didn't care if he didn't return the feelings, I just needed him to still be my friend. I turned around to face him, a small smile playing at my lips.

Suddenly, his fist smashed into my jaw, sending me sprawling on the ground.

Chapter One

"God, she's so hot!" I heard Taylor mutter as Sabrina Jamison walked by our lunch table. I rolled my eyes.

"I know you're gay, but you must know beauty when you see it, even if girls are," he changed his pitch to a girly tone, "icky and germy." He wiggled his fingers trying to act "gay" and I punched him in the arm. "Hey now! Come on, that's my throwing arm." He rubbed it slowly then grinned. "Seriously though, can you see their beauty?"

I gazed into Taylor's stormy grey eyes, wishing I could see something more in them than I did. But I never would and this made me sigh. "Of course I can see their beauty. I'm not blind."

"I just...I don't understand how you can't be physically attracted to these creatures."

"They aren't creatures, they're women. Why do they go out with you again? It certainly can't be for your brains or manners." Taylor gave me a flat look. "You know, I could ask you the same question. How can you not see the beauty in men?"

"Beauty in men?" The scoff he let out made my heart squeeze sadly. Sad because he would never find me attractive.

A sigh built up deep inside my chest and I let it out. I sure knew how to pick them, if you could even call it picking. To me, I never had a choice. The day I met him was the day I had met my doom. Doomed to walk the earth, loving a boy I could never have—a boy straighter than a pin who would never even give me a thought.

"Not that there's anything wrong with finding beauty in them." The words rushed out of Taylor's mouth as though he was afraid he had offended me.

"Taylor, we've been friends for a long time now and you say insensitive things 24/7, yet...here I am. So, why do you act like you need to walk on eggshells around me sometimes? I'm gay and you accept that, you're an ass and I accept that."

Taylor grinned his lazy, carefree grin that always caused my heart to jump and shrugged. "It's a habit, I guess."

"Hm," I mumbled, standing up and grabbing my tray. Taylor jumped up and did the same, walking with me to the trash can.

"Have you ever even tried to be with a girl?"

"Yes, Taylor."

He gripped my arm and pulled me around. "You have? When? Did you go like...all the way?"

"No, I've never gone all the way with a girl—"

"Then how would you know if you like it or not? You've never given it a real chance!"

"Because it was just...the way you feel about being with a man, I guess."

He wrinkled his nose. "Well, if you ever wanted to make sure, there are plenty of girls here who would love to go out with you, gay or not."