Silenced

Falling Into An Abyss

"Caroline, you're deviating from the real problem here." 

One of my -many- special talents is that I can almost always avoid answering Dr.Logan, my psychiatrists', pressing questions. The thing you needed to understand about Dr.Logan was that he wasn't looking for answers, he was aiming to get a confession out of me. He was eagerly waiting for the moment where I break down into a psychotic fit and confess to murdering Jaclyn Myer. I have to get all pieces of my story together before I answer any of his questions, so for the time being, I just look away when he talks.

Dr. Logan inhaled a slow breath and then he looked at me, a look I was all too familiar with: disgust. "You did it," he said, a malicious smirk was plastered on his face. 

Those three words- although they were untrue- felt like I was being stabbed in the gut repeatedly. Everything felt real at this point, an accusation had been made. It was no longer aimless gossip and speculation, it was much more than that now. It dawned on me that the longer I stayed silent, the guiltier I looked. "I didn't kill Jaclyn." It was then that I started to realize how badly I wanted him to believe me and even more how I wanted to believe myself.

"Caroline, I don't believe you understand the gravity of your actions so let me remind you: On the the afternoon of October 4th. In broad daylight, you and Jaclyn got into a verbal altercation. Some insults were exchanged and a threat was made. The following evening at precisely, 11:30 pm a phone-call was made to the local county sheriffs' office. At 12 am, the body of Jaclyn Myer was found in her own house. She was badly beaten and suffered multiple stab wounds to her abdomen, chest and her back. The coroner declared that she had died instantly of a blunt force trauma to the head, someone had hit her repeatedly causing internal bleeding." Dr.Logan revealed this information to me. I didn't know how she died.

"Everything you're saying to me right now isn't making sense to me." I yelled desperately, "I don't remember ever seeing Jaclyn that afternoon. Why would I go to her party later that night if we got into 'verbal altercation?' And yes, I was mimicking Dr.Logan at this point but only because he deserved it.

"Caroline, you either don't remember or you're a really good liar. Pick a side." He spat, he sounded exasperated at this point but I didn't really care. I was sick of being accused of something I didn't do.

"You know what Dr.Logan, you're full of shit. And I'm sick of your accusatory tone. I told you everything I remember. I was at the party in Jaclyn's house with my friends I must have been drunk or something and passed out. The next thing I remember was waking up in hell. If you need me to specify where hell is, just look around. You're in it too." I was breathless at this point.

Dr Logan smiled, he looked really creepy when he smiled. I couldn't help but wonder if it was intentional. "That's the most I've heard you speak since you got here. I see we're making progress. I'm afraid I forgot to mention a few details."

What he said next was a blow to my chest.

"You see Caroline, as I previously mentioned a threat was made. A dozen eye-witnesses' heard you tell Jaclyn that she should 'watch her back' because you didn't like 'backstabbers.' As you rightfully proved since you quite conveniently stabbed her in the back. Poetic and sadistic."

For a good minute, I was genuinely speechless. I fathomed all the courage I had left,"That doesn't sound like something I would say."

He laughed condescendingly, "You're funny, I'll give you that." 

I was about to show him what crazy really looked like... but I didn't understand why he was laughing so I just chose to do what I do best, I chose to ignore him.

"Oh dear, I've upset you" No shit. "You didn't ask me the most important question yet."

"And what would that be?" I asked, genuinely intrigued and partly afraid of what his answer would be.

"How I know it was you." He stated casually.

"I didn't ask because the answer is irrelevant to me. I didn't do it." I retaliated assertively. It felt like we were challenging each other: either I break down, or he does.

He looked at me questioningly and for the first time, for a brief second, It seemed as though Dr.Logan considered the idea of my innocence. Maybe he believed me?

It didn't last long before he regained his doubt. He was convinced I did it.

"Believe what you want Dr.Logan, I had nothing to do with it." 

"When the police went into Jaclyn's house, they investigated the scene, as a matter of procedure. Upon investigation, they found Jaclyn's body in the bathtub, she was already dead and bleeding out. Next to her, they found her assailant: A female girl, unconscious and holding a butcher knife that was clasped tightly in her right arm."

"I don't understand why you're telling me all this."

He looked at me sternly, and pity flashed through his cold brown eyes, "Caroline, do you really not understand? The girl that was found unconscious next to Jaclyn's body: That was you. Your fingerprints are all over that knife. They tested your blood Caroline, you didn't have a drop of alcohol in your system that night."

I didn't really hear much of what he said next. I felt the sharp thud of my body falling as it hit the ground and that was the last thing I remembered.

*****************

It was cold,

I was so cold.

I looked around me, the surroundings were familiar but distant.

Where was I? Suddenly, a sense of familiarity arose. I was in Jaclyn's old bedroom. I recognized her blue canopy bed and a picture of us on her bedside table. We were fourteen when that picture was taken. I don't remember the last time I smiled like that, we looked really happy. I don't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy either. Behind me, I saw her dresser. I saw the basic things: makeup, hair products, skincare and body lotions. Everything seemed normal but I couldn't shake this weird feeling, like I was being watched.

And thats when I saw Jaclyn.

She looked beautiful, she wasn't disfigured or bleeding but instead she was the girl I remembered. Her hair, long and brown, fell in wavy tendrils that reached her lower back. Her blue eyes was full of life, just like I remembered. She walked towards me in slow, purposeful steps. The closer she walked towards me, the more beautiful she appeared. She had an ethereal glow to her creamy, pale skin. She smiled at me, her smile was warm, kind and knowing. She didn't look dead at all.

"What happened to you?" I breathed incredulously, "People think you were murdered. People think I killed you."

Jaclyn looked lost and forlorn, I didn't know what else to say to her. She needed to explain what was going on.

"I am dead. I was murdered." She answered back coldly.

I was dreaming, this must be a dream. "I'm dreaming aren't I?"

"Maybe." She responded.

"Who killed you?" I asked her.

I gasped when I looked up at her. Her skull was cracked open, you could see the inside of her head as blood poured out. She was bleeding profusely. Her stab wounds ripped open and she was now bleeding from her torso and chest. 

"Who did this to you?" I was shaking. Who hurt her like this?

And just like the dream she pointed her bloody finger out but this time there wasn't a shadow: She was pointing to me.

A loud, deafening scream erupted and I looked around the room to find the source before I realized where it was coming from. I was screaming.

And just like that everything disappeared. Jaclyn. Her bedroom. The bloody mess. I was falling into a dark abyss until I landed myself into a dreamless sleep.

I killed Jaclyn Myer.