Finding myself to be who I want to be

Depicting My Life in a Poetic Form

"Glitter is not gold but there's a misfortunes to see, my gold has turned to lead because it's heavier than a bag of peg legs, which seem like a huge rock over my head look for something to come and build ahead. I've tried to run away but it's like am orbiting the whole space looking for love, hope and family and my mighty race...Turning a blind eye to what is important its better you call my consultant he's the person who can console me if you don't have anything to do get your negative ways from me, I have gotten many heart breaks that have gave me misery ...why can't I be like beauty and the best or like Cinderella and her prince charming to be I guess my prince charming is in a cart I just have to wait on him to come and let us depart."

Its quiet impressive to know how to impress yourself and how to carry out your business carefully when you are trying to seek out who you really are if you can don't abuse drugs to try and see if you can find yourself and as teens there is a lot of things to do to get ourselves detoxicated from the most extreme situations that you can't get out of but instead of getting out the situation the traditional way you turn to alcohol , drugs and lot more things to try and get high and see what the best way to get out of the situations.

It's not the correct way of sorting out/ getting out of problems when you are doing that you are hiding the true person that you are when you consume those stuff which some of them fall in the categories of legal , contrabands and illegal ...but there's a trick to these things though ..You think they are helping you and they are only destroying you mentally and physical / inside and outside which is not good and when they make you sick that's the time you are going to say I should have stopped and find another way to resolve the problem.

I thought my life would have been normal and also be the real deal but it's totally not life is not how its seems it is not the beautiful picture that you see in the photography ...it's just the dreary and abnormal pictures. You think everyone would like you but no one likes you ...you are just that big black goat / big black sheep jumping over the bushels that are in the path way wondering what is going on where did you go wrong and from where you have started and what you have done and if you are the bad person in this world or if you should just walk away and try and forget everything and you know you cant. You think the prediction of what you see and what you know about everything, I tought I could handle myself but I can't....should I run away because what has happen. If I even take my life I will live my life with guilt's and try and run away from what is truly in my heart. Everything that I have gone through and everything I have seen and I have heart on this very night has turned my heart into a hard stone that cannot be broken or cannot be seen. I have been block mailed which I am not use to ...why is all this happening to me I am so not going to live my life to see nothing but I am living in the present and the truth has come up in the space and also in my face but to count twenty black sheep's is enough but a hundred is quiet fine ....I am heartbroken.... I have no self-esteem ...I have no feelings....I have no heart am just a girl who lives in the centre of the wall trying to make a living by myself ....I had a sister that was true to me now she's gone I was told that I shouldn't even call her for anything ....she is finished with me I won't be able to go to school or even do my exams .....If I die couple hours from now is because of what I am feeling now pain...unbearable pain that cannot be eased it's hard to discover the true fact of life.

Coming from a small home town and try and live a dream but I can't live one now I have faced a lot but I held on and now I let go now I think is life I just have to face the fact that I am a nobody I am not needed I should just stay in a dark room by myself and lock the door because there is no place for me neither or in the world or in the heart of the person who has given me this guilt that cannot be cured. Although its bull though because I have no privilege to get I just have to go work.