30+ Days of Team Free Will Imagines

Day Twenty-Five

Prompt: Imagine yourself on the other end of Dean/Sam/Cas' phone when you thought you were calling a suicide hotline when you are ready to give up.

Tags: Suicidal!Reader, Implied self-harm, Ambiguous Reader Gender

......

Dean:

"This is Dean."

The man's voice is low and rough, and yet friendly. You immediately picture an open, handsome face with a cheeky smile.

"Hello?"

A harsh sob tears itself from your chest. "I... I can't..."

"Whoa, darling. Deep breaths for me. Can you tell me your name?"

You clutch the phone, pulling your knees up to your chest. "Y/N."

"Hi, Y/N. Tell me what's going on. Take your time."

You stare at the bottle of pills in your free hand. It would be easier to just take them. Right?

"Y/N, sweetheart, talk to me. Let me help you."

You draw a shaky breath and it all spills out. The bullying, the loss of friendships, the years of pain and loneliness. The scars- neat rows of them- on your stomach and thighs. The months of useless therapy. The bottle of pills.

Even through the phone, you can sense that Dean is listening. He asks questions- ones Dr. Smith never asked. The important questions.

When you're done talking, there's a moment of silence. Then Dean says, "That's a heavy load for anyone to bear, let alone someone so young. Can you do something for me?"

"Uh-huh," you sniff.

"I need you to put those pills as far away as possible. Throw them away if you have to. Have someone hide them. Maybe put them in a locked room. I don't care how you do it. Just remove the temptation. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Go do that. I'll be right here."

You reluctantly set the phone down and take the pills to the bathroom. It take a lot of willpower, but you flush them. You hurry back to your room.

"They're gone," you murmur.

"Good girl. Listen closely. Can you do that?"

You nod. "yes."

"Awesome. Wanna know something?"

"What?"

"I've been where you are."

No way. Dean? Seriously? But he sounds so confident and cool and collected. Like he's got the whole thing figured out. "Really?"

"Really. What I didn't realize until it was almost too late was that there are people who care about me- family and friends. People who would be hurt if I left them like that. Y/N, I want you to close your eyes and think of the people you're closest to. Family, friends, anyone."

You close your eyes. The first person to pop into your head is your mom.

"Think about how you would feel if they killed themselves."

You bite your lip to keep back the sob welling up in your chest.

"Now, how do you think they would feel if you killed yourself?"

This time there's no stopping the sob. Tears streak your face. It still hurts, but somehow it feels better.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asks.