"Eilish (eye-lish) noun. The name of a young girl lost in a huge world, about to give up on everything. She was a bit out there and never really paid attention to the outside world. She preferred to be alone. All the time."
I scribbled the notes down in a notebook as a part of a story of my life. It wasn't for an assignment or anything. It was out of pure boredom and lonesome. Even though I liked being by myself, I didn't like the empty feeling it gave me. I hated this place, I hated everything about it. I just wanted out, and I wanted it now. I stabbed the pen into the book so many times, it eventually broke. I sighed.
"This is it. This is ending the pain. Everything will be over, feeling no more than emptiness inside. Ending the suffering, ending everything. Felt like it was right, felt like it had to be done. I'm sorry. Whoever finds this and reads it, I'm sorry. Don't bother chasing me, don't bother finding me. It'll be far from too late to save me."
I scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it on the ground before getting up and walking away from where I was sitting and to my next class. Which would hopefully be my last, forever.
The minutes dragged on and it sure felt like forever. My pencil hitting the desk at the exact same time the clock ticked. I wanted this day to be over. I really did. Couldn't it just be over already. Finally, the bell rang and everyone shot for the door, hitting each other and slamming themselves against it to try and be the first one out. One guy stayed back and stood behind me.
"Hey," he said. I wasn't sure whether he was talking to me or to someone else. I turned around and faced him, "My friends are having like, this party, kind of get together thing. If you want to come, you can." he smiled. I smiled back.
"Oh, I don't know. My family are having a dinner tonight." I lied.
"Eilish, I'm sure they are. And even if they were, I'm sure they wouldn't mind for you to go out with friends."
"What? How do you know this?" I questioned.
"Come on Eilish, I'm not going to let you do anything. Just come, have some fun." he said. I shook my head. I wasn't going to post pone my suicide like I had done in the past.
"I'm sorry bro, but no. I'll be fine." I said and walked out the classroom.
"Eilish-"
"Maybe some other time." I said, before turning around and starting the long walk home.
"Will there even be another time?" I heard him yell out, but I didn't answer. The hours dragged on until twelve. This was getting boring. Maybe I should've taken up that offer of the get together thing with Beau. Maybe it wasn't too late either. I soon heard the sound of rocks hitting my window. I walked over to it and opened it, to see Beau about to throw another rock.
"Man, what the fuck are you doing?!" I harshly whispered.
"Making sure you don't kill yourself." he smiled, climbing up the side of the house and getting on my balcony. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not going to." I said.
"Explain this." he said, handing me a piece of paper. I opened it and it was the note I left by the tree this afternoon. I bit my lip.
"How do you know this is from me anyway?" I asked.
"Your writing, and it was also left where you normally sit." he said as if it was nothing. I just stood there, speechless.
"Why didn't you just do what I said in the letter and not chase me?" I asked.
"Because you're too damn beautiful for any of that." he said to me, pulling me in for a hug. I started to cry, and he just rubbed my back, "Will you come with me to the get together?" he asked again. I slowly nodded a 'yes' and he hugged me tighter. I closed the balcony doors and left a note on my bed for my parents when they got home from work, just explaining I'd gone out with a few friends. Beau helped me get down the same way he'd gotten up.
