Adonis [h.s]

three

adelaide

present day

My stomach dropped the instant I laid eyes on him.

"Harry?!"

I choke on my words as my eyes graze over him. His knuckles are a ghostly white from his tightly clenched fists, his flushed cheeks contrast against his skin that is drained of color. Harry's eyes flash between Louis and I; green pools, glossy with newly formed tears, but also full of rage.

It feels like the entire contents of my stomach are doing a backflip into my throat. I can't believe it. I swear to myself that I am hallucinating because there is no way that the boy I fell in love with ten months ago is standing in front of me - curly hair and all.

I only visited Harry twice in the six months he was in jail, and the last time I saw him, it was an "Adios, Harry. It's been real." - kinda goodbye. 

The day he told me about who he really was - what he actually did for a living, I realized I needed to distance myself from him, which he made a considerably easy task since he left for France the next day.

Louis was the one who called to let me know about what happened to Harry during their last con, how he was convicted of art forgery and sent to jail. I was scared of what prison might do to someone like him, but at the same time, I knew. I knew something like that was bound to happen eventually, I just didn't want to believe it.

I went to see Harry in the first week of his sentence; he was happy to see me, but the second time I visited was to actually give him some advice, a warning even.

I vaguely remember our conversation that day. Over the course of the last few months, I've tried pushing every memory of Harry to the back of my mind, although the mere thought of him would consume me for unhealthy amounts of time.

"Harry, I care for you...a lot, and I would never want to see you hurt by anything or anyone, but you need to end this." I paused to take a deep breath and then continued. "Stop putting yourself at risk by living a life of lies and façades. It's not worth it. Please."

Harry was picking at his fingernails, it was a nervous tick, while chewing on his bottom lip, thinking.

"I can't just all of a sudden completely stop being a con man. As much as I hate to admit it - it's like..a rush, an addiction, and I have to hit rock bottom before I can change." His eyebrows knit together in both confusion and deep thought. A solemn expression formed on his face. "And I haven't yet, I'm sorry."

"God, Harry." A sigh escaped my lips. "Are you listening to what I'm saying? You can keep running in a million directions, physically or metaphorically, but the minute you stop, reality isn't just gonna catch up to you, it's going to run you over."

"I'm not a bad person. I just-" Harry's eyes drifted away from mine, his mind wandered between the past and the present. "The life I live, it was never about the money, or greed. I do it for the challenge."

I nodded slowly, trying to collect my thoughts. "I know that, but I'm not going to sit here, fall too hard for you, and then watch you potentially destroy your life. It may seem selfish, but I can't lose someone else I love, not again at least."

I stood up from the cold, aluminum seat, while running a hand through my hair, adjusting a few loose strands that fell from my ponytail. A strange feeling of deja vu overcame me. I turned to leave when Harry grasped for my wrist. I knew he felt my muscles tense at his touch because he dropped my arm as quickly as he had grabbed it. 

"I love you," he whispers so quietly that only I can hear.

The faint outlines of a smile snuck onto my lips, but all I did was give him a slight nod, and that was it. Since then, I haven't spoken to Harry or even mentioned him to anyone except Louis; he would come up in our conversations from time to time, I always tried to avoid the topic.