Sharks, Guns, and Dragons

"Okay Dylan, pick the equipment you ABSOLUTELY need. No reason to have extra weight." I grabbed a flash grenade, a Desert Eagle, and a shark gun. "HOLD UP. WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET A SHARK GUN FROM?!?!" David yelled. "It's my story, bro. Do not question it." I responded. "How does that... how does that even work?" "Well, if you look inside the barrel of the gun, besides the fact that you'll probably lose your eye, you'll see a..." I went on for several minutes about portals, interdimensional travel, and sharks before realizing he didn't really care all that much. David took a deep breath. "Ah, totally understood that. I'll be right back." He went into the armoury and shut the door. It was a few minutes before I heard any sounds at all and I was slightly worried. I went and knocked on the door. "Hey! Are you... okay?" "Perfect. One question though... what does the orange gun do?" I racked my mind trying to remember what the orange gun does when I realized it was the incendiary grenade launcher. "WHAT? NO DO NOT PULL THAT TRIGGER DAVID-" The wall blew up, sending me reeling into the closet as David sat there in awe of the fire. "Glorious" he stated. "GET OVER HERE BEFORE YOU BLOW UP THE REST OF OUR HOUSE!" I shouted. I'm sure the neighbours weren't suspicious at all. It was only amplified when a giant squid fell from the sky and agreed to take us to the destination. '...that never happened, Dylan.' 'Silence David, I can tell my story however I want to.' I punched him in the shoulder. And with that, we were off. It was a little bumpy but thankfully David brought grappling hooks. "What did you say?" he asked loudly over the whistling wind. "I SAID YOU BROUGHT GRAPPLING HOOKS!" "WHAT? I never..." He looked down at his hands and there were grappling hooks. 'This is going too far, man.' 'Would you rather us fall off the squid, David?' There was an awkward silence. 'Fine, continue.' So we leapt off the squid, and using our parachutes we aimed towards the bank. 'You haven't even established that we were robbing the bank yet...' David said in annoyance. 'WELL GEEZ THANKS FOR SPOILING IT!' I exclaimed as I slapped him. Anyway... we broke through the skylight, lighting up the room with AK-47 fire and sharks. It wasn't exactly a stealth approach, considering the three security guards being mauled by sharks in the corner of the room as well as David just repeatedly hitting guards in the face with his gun even though he had plenty ammo. "DAVID! USE YOUR GUN FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE!" He looked at me blankly for a few seconds. "NEINNNN" he screamed as he kept bashing this one guard with his rifle. Eventually, after David had smacked every last guard in the face with his gun and every other guard had been eaten alive by a shark, we proceeded towards the main vault. "DAVID, NOW YOU CAN USE YOUR ORANGE GUN!" I watched him pull out an orange gun... but it was not THE orange gun. David pulled his chair back away from the microphone. 'Are you going to make every aspect of this story up?' 'JUST SILENCE YOUR FACE. PLEASE. THANK YOU.' It was at this point a portal opened in the ceiling, dropping a giant drill. And a dragon. 'Why did you make a FREAKING DRAGON APPEAR IN THE BANK, DYLAN?!?!' ',
Eh. Artistic license.' So David found the proper orange gun and totally went up and smacked the dragon in the face with it. I'm not even sure he knows how to use a gun. And he hit the dragon with it over and over and over. It didn't do anything about it, either. I eventually got so fed up with watching David hit the gun that I just shot a nuke at it. Fortunately, my trusty force field was here to help! "Where did the force field come from?" David questioned. "Just shut up and grab the gold, David." You know, it was at this time I had a life changing epiphany. I'm a slight jerk to my friend David. 'David, I realize I've been a jerk. But the apology can wait until after I finish the story.' 'You do realize we're going to both be erased from the system after this story, right?' There was a long period of awkward silence. 'Err; I'll get back to you later on that...' And then bam, we used the dragon's acid breath to burn through the vault door and from there on out it was pretty simple. We grabbed the gold, once again summoned the magical air squid, and flew out of there while firing sharks onto unsuspecting civilians like true gentlemen. And that was totally how it happened. 'I still didn't get that apology...' '...Sorry guys, got to go, duty calls-'