I hate you. I hate you because of the way you make me feel when I'm around you. Safe and comfortable and wanted and loved. I don't even know if I know what the word means completely. I hate you because of the way you smile. Like someone just lit up your life and you feel the need to light up someone else's. I hate you because of how you stick in my mind like a fucking parasite. You never go anywhere, you just stay there and I can't get you out no matter how hard I try. My thoughts always returning to you in some way, shape, or form. I hate you because every time you ask me about giving us a second chance, you chip away at my so called "strong walls." I get closer and closer to breaking and giving in and you don't even know. I hate you because you confuse me and irritate me to no end. I hate you because I can't stay mad at you no matter how hard I try. I hate you because you still have one of my favorite books. I hate you because you introduced me to a spontaneous way of life that I still can't get a grasp of. You always make everything seem so easy and effortless and I'm stuck here, still trying to decide whether or not it's a good idea to try. I hate you because everyone loves you. Even if they hate you, they love you in some way. I hate you because you're too goddamn irresistible. I can't make myself stay away from you. I hate you because you know me too well. You know my secrets, my passions, my fears. You know my little quirks and my stupid obsessions. I hate you because you remind me of a time when I was innocent and didn't regret or overanalyze anything about us. I hate you because I don't think I can find anyone else like you. Granted that may be a good thing but it's debatable. I hate you because I have too many amazing memories with you. Memories that you may think nothing of but I think the world of. Memories that make me happy, make me smile, make me sad. I hate you because you're a constant reminder that I fucked up. That I made a mistake, that I regret it all because everything is messed up now. I hate you because I don't know how to act around you anymore. I know I hurt you, I hurt you past, present, and future because every second we are together is another second that you are reminded that I'm not yours anymore and you're not mine either. I hate you because I crave your hugs. No one gives them like you do. I hate you because of the way I trust you. I don't even know why I do, it's probably not a good idea. But you're my best friend and there's a reason for that. I hate you because you still like me, love me, need me in your life. Why do you do that? Why? The only question is "why?" for me. Why did you ever like me? I hate you because you're you. I hate you because I can't let you go. I hate you because I feel like I'm addicted to you. I hate you because you're my weakness. I hate you because I don't know what else to do. I hate you because. . .
