I haven't always been what I am today. In fact, for many years, I didn't see him as the person I do today. I never thought I would see him as a... crush. I guess I should have seen it coming. Every girl I know who knows him likes him— why didn't I see it coming? Of course I'm going to be charmed, everyone eventually is! When I think that I may have even the slightest chance, it's pure agony like my heart collapses into my stomach caving in a never-ending black hole of complete and utter despair because we all know I don't have the chance as many, many other girls around me drooling at his feet.
I spend hours reliving the dream that possibly I can be the girl who is with him for all eternity but no. It's better to not get my hopes up on something that most likely will never happen to me. That woman who walks down the aisle toward him will be the luckiest girl in the galaxy for the rest of her life.
When I met him, I didn't think that I would even come close to liking him. Yes, I saw what the other girls saw; I wasn't one to crush on him right away though. But people change. I definitely changed. I changed from being someone uninterested in anything related to boys, men (except for their abs!), but now I hope to be that luckiest girl!
Most girls know what I'm feeling right about now where you know you don't have a chance with such a wonderful man as the one I wish I could just talk to without being afraid of who I am. Maybe there are some girls I even know who think the same as me. I hope most girls understand my pain and that they know that they are definitely not the only ones going through something so pain-filled
I wish I could be myself around him. There are some interests and dislikes I can share with him around; then there are the ones that you're afraid to tell, because you think if you do, this particular person may push you away. Well, that's how I feel, when I'm near him.
If only he knew what pain I feel when I see him or even think of him. If only he could see that I have fallen in love with him. If only he knew that it is eating me alive from the inside out.
If only.
