hey wattpad readers.
in case you couldn't tell, the book was based on me and my life. yes, I was a depressed suicidal, cutting, emo freak. but before I get mail telling me that "my life is worth the struggles" and "don't kill yourself" shit, have no fear. although this story is based off of me, a lot of the chapters were not real. or very embellished. the following is a list of the stuff I feel you may want to know about the book, if anyone is interested, and just skip it if you don't care (but please read the stuff after):
1. the first 4 chapters are completely true. well, except for some of the 4th. (I'll explain that later).
2. Ed is based off my real life boyfriend. for the sake of privacy I won't tell his name. but I asked him what he wanted his story character to be and that's what he suggested. (don't ask why. I have no clue)
3. I NEVER ATTEMPTED SUICIDE!!! in the past I have wanted to, but I haven't tried to kill myself, and don't plan to
4. "Ed" never sneaked to my house in the middle of the night to stop me from doing something bad to myself. he actually lives like 10-12 miles away, and most of that is a major highway. so there's no way he could have ridden his bike all the way here.
5. that poem I wrote "Contradictions" is many accounts of people I know who have been abused verbally, physically, or sexually. I have been bullied, but never abused in other forms, which I am grateful for.
6. the chapter "Family" is entirely true. I did not exaggerate a single word.
7. the things people supposedly told me in the chapter "You're never gonna fit in much, kid" is not true. I've never actually been told to kill myself.
8. "Rant" is just bullshit I wrote in Psychology class about how fucked up society is. I agree with every word I said in that thing.
9. I don't have a rope in my room
10. I don't cut like it says I do.
11. also, my name is not Kaitlyn Haddock.
--
so, I'm better now. I have both a therapist and a psychologist, and I'm taking like 4 pills every day. one obviously for depression and anxiety, one birth control (my lady parts are fucked up and my monthly cycle thing sometimes lasts for 3 weeks, and I have excruciating pain), one vitamin D because I don't go outside and that contributes to enhanced anxiety for whatever reason, and one of those fucking enormous fish oil pills the size of your entire thumb which I choke on sometimes.
but the meds really do help. I don't feel as depressed anymore. in fact, the last time I cut was Feb 16, 2015, so as of now, I'm almost 10 months clean (yay me)!
my therapist thinks I don't need to see her every week now. now we'll have sessions every other week. and my psychologist is trying to get my vitamin D levels above 40 so that the fluoxetine will stop acting as a placebo sort of thing for anxiety and actually work. yeah, my anxiety is still pretty bad, but it's mostly social. and I've learned how to avoid crowds, so it's good.
well, that's really besides the point of me writing this. I told my therapist about how I write "sad stuff" to get my feelings out, and she thinks that it will sometimes make it worse, and suggested me doing this other exercise (too complicated to explain, if you want to know, pm me). so, I decided to discontinue The Tales of a Teenage Tomboy. but I'll leave it up if anyone still wants to actually read this for some reason. it literally has no plot, but hey, if you like it, I'm definitely not complaining.
so, I guess, pm if you have any other questions that I didn't answer about true or false things because I didn't really explain every detail.
one more thing. if anyone is struggling with their own shit, please let me know. and I'll be here to talk. anytime.
see ya, readers. it's been great.
