I just can't handle my feelings I just get so upset over something this stupid and I FUCKING HATE IT! It's just I never knew I could get jealous so easily and it's a stupid reason too. But of course Abby doesn't think that and I told her what was going on because I trust her a lot, and she understands me.
It's just so hard to think about the positives when all that comes to mind is the negative thoughts come to mind. I'm sorry I can't be the girl you've always wanted. I'm sorry I don't believe in the love you have for me. There's just so much competition, at least to me there is. every other girl has something about them that is better than me. So, I wonder how can you love me? I'm depressed, ugly, fat, etc. Other girls aren't.
Sometimes...actually all the time now I think you love someone else and you are just trying not to break my heart, but it's to late now. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces and I gave up trying to put them back together. So do what you want go love another girl and I'll be here putting on a fake smile to prove to everyone that I'm fine. I'll let you go I don't want to but if I need to I will. I'll do anything just to keep you happy.
But some days I need to just stop being so close to you, and think about what is going on. That's why I talk to Abby she helps me by putting herself in my shoes and thinking about the situation, then she gives me advice. Sometimes I really don't like the advice she gives, not that it's bad advice its just she usually says "you should talk to Nick, he deserves to know." So, when I don't take that advice I keep it away from you and just put on an act, which then leads to me doing something bad to myself but that isn't important.
I'm sorry I can't be the girl you want me to be, I really do try to please you the best I can. I'm sorry for other things to that you most likely will find out on your own. Sorry...
