My Attraction To Deformities

this is a diary

I suppose I could use this to help catalog my sexual thoughts about deformities. It is a peculiar fetish indeed, but I could explain my reasoning behind it.

Perhaps when I was young, maybe in the 2nd or 3rd grade, I was teased a ton for my different aesthetics. I was different, with my red hair, pale skin, and chubby body, I was a target for bullies to call me names.

You may ask, how does this have anything to do with deformities? Maybe, in a subtle part of my brain, I began to fell more and more like a monster or an ugly individual. I really thought that I wasn't gorgeous like the rest. I suppose you could say, I felt more at east when I watched the movies Beauty and the Beast and the Phantom of the Opera. They too, probably felt like monsters when they're personalities said otherwise (though Erik was more of a neglected, naughty child). I felt a pang of empathy when hearing of their loss of dignity, since, I too, was ashamed of my appearance.

Curious, yes? This is only the beginning.