There's something only love can do

love can see the path

Seeing him leaving give me mix of emotions, hurt, pain, sadness, numbness and most fear.

I fear he'll be out of my life for good. I don't want that to happen. I want him, here beside me. I want to stop him but I can't move. I felt empty, I wanted to scream, I want to shout to the whole wide world how much I love him.

My heart, my music, my world, my Oliver.

But I can't, and I wanted to punch myself for being coward. I hurt him, my one true love is hurting because of me and now he's gone. he already given up. I want to be mad at him for giving up on me but who am I to be mad after what I did. It's my fault I push him away.

I lead him on and leave him alone, alone in the battle where we should be facing together. How can I be this stupid. I love him so much that it pains me seeing him leave but what to do? Maybe let him be. Let him find his true happiness even if it's not with me. I can't give him that, I'm so coward to give him what he want, what we want.

"anak, oh what happened? Asan na si oliver?" it's my mom, hindi ko namalayan na nandito na pala sya ulit. I hug her and cried in her shoulders, I cried all the pain to go away but his image in my mind while leaving makes me cry even more.

"ma, wala na sya. Umalis na sya, wala na, sumuko na sya" I said that between sob. Sobrang sakit, ang sakit sakit makitang umalis ang taong Mahal mo. Ganito din kaya naramdaman nya nung sinabi kong aalis kami? I hate to leave, I hate leaving him but I don't have a choice and I hate myself even more because I know I do but I choose not to do it.

"shh! Tahan na anak, I know it's hard leaving your bestfriend behind. Halos Di na kayo mapaghiwalay nun ee. Hayaan mo maiintindihan din nya. Hindi naman yun aalis, Hindi ka iiwan nun. Si oliver pa, Mahal ka nun" I hug my mom tighter.

Mom, he's my boyfriend not just my bestfriend if you only knew

"Tara nang umuwi at marami pa tayong aayusin sa pag alis namin bukas" namin? What is my mom talking about? But I'm too tired and broken to asked. I just nod

. . . . .

I just sat in my bed here in my room, I should be packing things right now but I can't move a muscle not that I'm tired physically but yeah emotionally. I don't want to leave him, can I not go? Can I not leave my man behind? I started crying again. This is the right thing to do with this thought I started moving. Yeah the right thing to do to perfectly destroy your heart, bravo amber clap clap to you my conscience told me I smiled bitterly.

After almost forever I'm done packing. Will yeah I think this is it. I'm sorry oliver, I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry for doing this to you, to us. I hope someday you'll find in your heart to forgive me. Im sorry for being coward for us. I wish you happiness, please be happy. I cried again with this thought. Akala ko ubos na luha ko Hindi pa pala. Kanina pa ako umiiyak pero kahit konti Hindi nabawasan ang sakit, asar lang.

"ate dinner na po, bumaba kana daw" my brother, as usual di na naman kumatok kahit kelan talaga tong batang to.

Baby pagsabihan mo lang wag mong sigawan, kawawa naman yung bata. Mas lalo syang di matututu nyan kapag sinigawan mo kausapin mo sya nang maayos bata yan ee.

His voice echoed in my head that makes me stop in my track. Ito yung sinabi nya sakin nung nasigawan ko tong kapatid ko dahil pumasok sa kwarto ko ng di kumakatok. Actually, di ko naman sana sya dapat sisigawan that time, it's just that, you know we are making out that time. Tapos biglang bukas ng pinto. Mabuti na Lang malaking bear ang nakaharang sa muka ng kapatid ko nun kaya di nya kami nakita. Ipagyayabang nya kasi dapat yun sakin kaya Lang ayun masigawan ko sya. Pinaghalong gulat, takot at medyo bitin ang naramdaman ko nun kaya, kaya ayun sya napagbalingan ko. Akala ko sila mommy, muntik na ko atakihin sa puso nun. Bakit ba kasi nakalimutan kong mag lock ng pinto, pag nagkataon yari.