The Love They Have

Trying To Change

Mallory pov

I realize for four months that i am a messed up person. I am in love with a guy I have been dating since day one. Its almost my 20th bday and we are fighting once again and once again its me. I don't trust men. They do nothing but hurt. So i was treating him like i treat the others. Even though we were in a relationship and fell in love fast. I still wasn't in love. (You know what i mean). So i didn't really want too believe he loved me. I didn't understand the hurt and pain he was going through. I put my feelings in a box and you have to fight every level of hurt and pain that i have been through for you to open up my heart. So i pushed him away. I was on a site called seeking arrangement. It a site to find a sugar daddy. I loved it. Getting old guys to give me what i want was easy because tricking them into thinking that i was going to give some. Made them give me what i want. See i know it stupid but i want to be like everyone around me. With the name brand clothes and shoes. Too them its look like i don't care what they think or say but growing up and Being bullied hasn't help with everything i went through and doing what i was doing helped me feel better about myself. I knew it was wrong what i was doing when Kevin sat me down. The hurt and pain I saw in his eyes got to me. He broke down almost every wall. My heart was still covered with the darkness of rap, heart break, looks, family. I still had darkness in me. I got rid of everything that could hurt him. I didn't want to see that look in his eyes anymore. I'm going to change. I promised him that and i mean it.

Kevin pov

I am in fear of Mallory and when she says she loves me. I have already been hurt and don't want to go through the pain again. She doesn't know what i see when i look in her eyes. Yes there's the look she gives me when she wants me so deep in her that only my balls hang out. Other then that i can just tell she doesn't love me as much as i love her. She doesn't see that if i lose her that i will die. She just doesn't know. I love her that i do want us to get our own home, with a big family, and I want to marry her. She is my world and i don't think she see that.