The Paralyzed Dream (COMPLETED)

Chapter Four

     The second half of Lacey's therapy session did not go even half as good as the start. In fact, it went terrible. At the end of the therapy session, Trevor had sat down with Lacey and asked her, "About halfway through our session today, you seemed like you stopped trying to do the exercises. Especially when we started doing some medicine ball rotations. I just wanted to ask you why you gave up."
     Lacey had looked at Trevor and sighed. "Trevor, I honestly do not see the point anymore." With a stern tone, Lacey continued. "I have been doin' physical therapy every week since I got home from the hospital after my accident about three months ago. Nothing is working. I am not gaining any more muscle or upper body strength or anything." Lacey, a person who rarely ever got upset found her voice rising the more she spoke. 
     Trevor sat back in his chair and looked at Lacey with a sympathetic expression. "Lacey, what you're saying is completely normal. And I understand your reasons. But," Trevor leaned forward, locking eyes with Lacey. "You need to keep trying. I cannot stress that enough. You need to go home and do your exercises. Yes, you will be sore at first, but the exercises that you will be doing are really no different than the ones I have you do here." Reaching out a hand, Trevor tapped his fingers on his desk top with each word he said for emphasis. "Lacey, you need to just get out and do more." 
     "I am trying, Trevor." Lacey said, irritated. She honestly wasn't sure why she was so upset, but what she did know was that she was mad at herself. "I've been getting around pretty well recently, and now that Slade is workin' on our ranch, he is able to help me with stuff more, too. So, I'm managing just fine."
     Trevor retreated his hand from his desk, clasping it with his other hand. He clenched his jaw, then relaxed before asking, "Have you been able to lift yourself up into the truck whenever you go out somewhere?" When Lacey opened her mouth to defend herself, Trevor continued, "And when I say 'lift yourself', I do not mean having Slade or someone else pick you up out of your chair and settle you in the truck." Pausing to take a breath, Trevor asked, "Have you been able to do that sort of thing?" 
     Lacey knew she lost this fight. The more she thought about it, she realized she was more dependent on people than she should be. Looking down into her lap, where her hands were folded, Lacey replied quietly, "No...no, I haven't." 
      Trevor fully sat back in his chair now. He propped up one arm on the arm rest, placing his chin on his hand that he had propped up. "Okay, I want to ask you...what are your goals? I know this was one of the first things that we discussed on the first day of therapy here, but that was a few months ago...it's been a while since I've asked you. So, I'm askin' you again, what are your goals? Long term, and short term. Short term could be something like learning how to get yourself into the truck by yourself. Long term could be something like rodeoing or something of the sort. Now, I don't want you to tell me what your goals are, I just want you to think about them. You don't even have to tell anyone your goals. But every day, no matter how hard things get, I want you to work towards those goals. Do a little something every day to get you one step closer to reaching your goals."
     Lacey nodded her head in response. Closing her eyes for a second, Lacey made up her goals. Sure, they might have seemed a little far-fetched, some of them, but it gave her something to work towards.
     "You make up some goals in your head?" Trevor asked Lacey. She kept her head down, but nodded.
     Trevor turned around in his chair to grab something from a table behind him. Turning back around, Trevor slid a packet of papers across his desk to Lacey. "I was going to wait a bit to give you this information, but I think now is a good time."
     Lacey looked at the papers Trevor pushed towards her. "I found this ranch that does therapy with horses for disabled and paraplegic riders. As part of their program, they work with their clients outside of the arena, too. The clients work around the barn, and also do physical therapy in the weight room. All of their reviews have been positive and I honestly think that they will be a good fit for you." Trevor explained.
     Lacey glanced up at Trevor. "What are you sayin'? I-I like it here, Trevor. Why do I have to go somewhere else?" Lacey felt herself getting defensive. From what Trevor just told her, the place sounded great...for someone willing to get back on the horse and ride again. Lacey had been told so many times by so many people that she could never ride again, that she believed it herself.
     "I know. I know you love it here, but we are a smaller practice. We can only accommodate and do so much. When your parents first sent you here, I explained to all of you guys that there will come a time when we would have to start looking for other physical therapy places that were more advanced and that would be able to get you to where you need to be. This ranch seems like the perfect fit for you. I'm not forcing anything on you, Lacey, I just want you to know that you have options." Trevor shifted in his chair. "If you would like, I can give them a call and see if they even have any open spots or if you'd rather, I could just set up a tour for you to see if it's a place you would even be interested in. Would you like me to do that for you?"
     Lacey didn't see why not. They would probably be full either way, as most physical therapy places around here were. "Sure, you can do that. But, how soon would you be bootin' me out, then?"
      "Well, depending on when they would be able to have you visit, you will probably be with me for two or three more weeks after that, while I work out your progress and therapy schedules with them and whatnot. I don't want you to leave, but I know that in order for you to get to where you need to be and be able to achieve your goals, you will need a place that is able to equip you with more advanced technologies and such." Trevor tapped his finger on the papers advertising this new therapy ranch. "This place has all of that." Leaning back slightly, Trevor smiled at Lacey. "And you know that you're always welcome back here anytime. We are not 'bootin' you out' by any means."  
     Lacey wanted to smile back, but she hated change and the thought of a drastic change such as this scared her. "Okay." Was all Lacey mustered as her response.
     "Okay." Trevor glanced at his wrist watch. "Well, I guess that wraps up our session for today. Next week I will be out of town because my wife's sister is getting married. But, that does not mean that you're excused from doing your exercises. I printed you out an updated list of good upper body strength exercises you can do at home. So, why don't you work on those, and I promise I will call this ranch and see if we can get something worked out with them for you. How's that sound?" Trevor's smile returned. He grabbed the updated list of exercises for Lacey off of his printer before stuffing them and the therapy ranch information into a folder. 
    "That sounds good. Thank you." Lacey replied, taking the folder from Trevor. 
     A knock on Trevor's door pulled his attention away from Lacey. "Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I need you for a second, Trevor." One of the other physical therapists said. 
     Standing from his desk, Trevor apologized to Lacey, telling her he would be back in a minute, then followed the therapist out of his office.
      With nothing else to do alone in Trevor's office, Lacey opened the red folder that Trevor had handed her and her eyes immediately wandered over to the packet for the therapy ranch. Pulling it out, Lacey flipped through the pages. With every picture of a happy person atop a horse, the more and more discouraged Lacey got. She was still so so far away from being able to get back on a horse and it was at that moment when Lacey felt the weight of what Trevor was saying to her about trying. Deep down, Lacey knew she had to try: not just for herself, but for others. She needed to learn how to regain the confidence she had before she had her accident; she needed to learn how to be more independent.
     After she was finished looking through the packet, Lacey pulled out the home exercises form. "Now this is a little more doable than ridin' a horse again," Lacey thought to herself, that is until she flipped to the second and third page of her packet. Trevor had written in several hard exercises, several of which were Lacey's favorites. In addition, the reps and time allotted to each was greater.  
     Most days, Trevor was a fun therapist, but other days, Lacey just wanted to throw a dumbbell at him. She realized that it was his job to be honest and tell Lacey the truth and when she was making progress and when she was doing good. She also knew that it was his job to push her, to show her that she really can do more than she thinks she can. But today, today was just a discouraging day. One of the exercises Trevor had asked her to do on her home therapy sheet were woodchopper. That was probably Lacey's least favorite exercise to do, and Trevor has her doing them sitting down in a chair with no back, making the exercise even harder to do.
     Besides the home therapy sessions, Trevor had also suggested Lacey get outside and go do stuff. Go see a movie with friends or go out to the barn. He suggested that she start small like going outside and sitting on the porch swing; he brought up the fact that the sun has healing vitamins in it that would be good for Lacey. "Just get out of the house." He had said...between that conversation and the torture-or, therapy, that is- exercises he gave her, today was one of the days that Lacey wished she could throw a dumbbell at him and tell him to hush. 
     With each minute that passed, Lacey felt herself getting more and more down on herself. It was truly heartbreaking to set goals, but realize how far from them you really are. After a few more antagonizing minutes, Trevor finally poked his head back into his office to free Lacey. "Turns out that I am needed, so I'm afraid we will have to finish this conversation later. I will give the ranch a call, and then phone you to tell you what we figure out. Until then, I hope you have a good week off, and uh, I look forward to seeing you in two weeks so you can tell me all about your progress." Trevor had that smile plastered onto his face, but nothing inside of Lacey felt like smiling.