Memories (phan fluff)

Memories

The ear-piercing screech of the train echoed through the tube. It was loud enough that I could hear it through my blaring headphones. I could feel the floor rumble beneath me, see the panic and distress of fellow passengers, smell the metal tires grinding on the iron lines. "I'm going to die," I say to myself. "I'm actually going to die." Tears roll down my cheeks as I face my mortality.

Images flash through my mind. They were too fast for me to clearly make out, but I could remember everything. That day we went to the beach, the feeling of sand beneath my bare feet, the warmth of my lover's hand interlocked with mine. Then it was that day we climbed Mount Fuji. The cold biting at my extremities, fatigue flooding my body, the sound of 'his' voice encouraging me to keep going. The cosiness of the café when we finally made it to the top, the smell of coffee grounds and sushi enchanting my nostrils.

One memory stuck out the most. The memory of the video given to me on Valentine's Day by my beautiful, ebony-haired prince. I could still remember his voice, what he was wearing – a blue and black button-down shirt – and all the photographs stuck on his wardrobe behind him. I still remember each and every word he said: "Arf, hi, happy Valentine's Day. I know you said we weren't going to do anything for Valentine's Day but you had to go to bed, leaving me for five hours with nothing to do, so I have made this video because I love you, and I've never had Valentine's Day with anyone before so this is me saying I love you. Plus, you gave me loads of awesome birthday presents and I wanted to repay you somehow because it was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

The first time we met I was the nervousest person ever as you could tell, and I was clawing at you and biting you, but that was just because I really liked you and luckily you saw through that. Then when we were on the big wheel I was like 'I really hope you like me, too' and then you kissed me and my heart did that flippy-over thing and it's never really done that before, so that was nice. And over the next few months we saw each other a lot and I slowly fell in love with you, and I just thought I'd share some of my favourite memories that I gave of us together.

So the first one is on the snowiest day ever and we were walking through the abandoned hospital and you had your hat on, and you lay down in the snow and looked at the stars and I lay next to you and kissed you and I looked down in the snow.

Endless coffee in Starbucks; caramel macchiato and our Starbucks sofa.

The week we spent together in my house was amazing. I think that was when I properly fell in love with you, and when we watched Wall-E on my sofa and cried. Ahaha, umm, all the cuddles in bed and three-hour breakfasts, more of those please.

Lying on the sofa and watching films, and lying in my bed. And funny times in my bed, haha.

Also, the Halloween gathering when we realised that no other YouTubers actually eat, so we went and got some food and then sat on the fountain, and at that point I kind of realised that I didn't care about the other YouTubers, I just wanted to be spending time with you. And we held hands and then kissed, and looked at the stars.

Although we can't be together, all the hundreds of hours of Skype calls have made me eight million times happier.

When I woke you up and said 'Mario', and all our Manchester days.

And watching Avatar in 3D, and kissing in 3D glasses, and so many other things that I'm probably forgetting, but those are just a few that make me smile. Meow. And I just want to say that I love you so much and I'm so happy to have you in my life, and you are the best person in the world. So thank you for being so amazing. I love you."

The memory ended with Phil holding his hands up in a heart shape. I hadn't realised the tears streaming down my face until I put a hand up to wipe my cheeks. I grabbed Phil's hand tightly in mine as we were about to die.

At the far end of the train I heard a crash. I could feel the train compressing, coming to a halt. Phil grabbed me, pulling me into one final embrace before we become just another two people in body-bags.

"Phillip Michael Lester," I say, holding his head in my hands and looking into his icy blue eyes.

"Daniel James Howell," he replies, looking into my chocolate orbs.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

And then everything turned to black...